Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, and none of the entities, characters, organisations, locations, events or references are meant to depict any real entity. Any vague similarities with real events, people facts etc are entirely -one might say ludicrously unlikely – and coincidental (except for Robert Moore whose sad death I wished to commemorate) No Exec members of any fictional group were horribly slain in the making of this story. And please if you do mention it to others, avoid spoilers. Oh and and, I have not proofread this at all. Sorry but it is Christmas Eve and I need to get to the 24 hour garage…
***
It has been a quiet year at the Association for Scientific Study of Anomalous Phenomena. Sure, we’d had the usual in-fighting, published the journal Anomaly and run successful conferences and training events; but in terms of phenomena there had been little to report.
2023 had all been about the belated US realisation that there was more to UFOs than Roswell and little grey men, at least in the media. The papers had been full of American whistleblowers, conspiracy theorists and “experts”; our own people kept their heads down and their mouths shut on the whole. We lost one of our best, Robert Moore, taken too young by heart failure. I miss him: we shared a love of rpgs and enthusiasm for detailed case research, of the type we don’t see much nowadays.
It’s been a rough year in many ways but it looked like the weird was on the way out; not so much as a rain of frogs on Slough, Satan’s footprints in the Dorset snow or a half-decent poltergeist in Pontefract. In fact I’d settle for an indecent poltergeist in Plymouth – the tabloids would love that.
Now you’ve all seen Ghostbusters and you know all the jokes, but sadly it’s not like that. Well we are broke, that bit is true, and maybe the Chair is more like a gameshow host than a scientist, but it’s not true the kids love us. In fact the kids, much like the university, find us ridiculous. An embarrassment. An anachronistic bunch of lunatics. I think back to how as a teenager I poked fun at Spiritualist Mediums, and I understand. We are ridiculous: until the going gets weird and then we are your first, last and only line of defense against…
‘Twas the week before Christmas and the Secretary was on the phone, sounding rather the worse for gin and repeating for the third time “yes, Werewolves. Yes. Lon Chaney type hairy b******s. Werewolves. Yes, they are serious. Place is full of police. Do we have any 19mm Parabellum silver bullets? Why are you laughing? Ask Training? OK, will do…”
“Yeah but Hollywood will love it. We will just be replaced by the Warrens?”
The case sounded ridicolous; but there were at least three dead, and a seriously freaked out bunch of survivors running around the woods in terror. It sounded like the police who responded to the incident were not much calmer. Clearly someone needed to head down there, and calm matters down, and while the NRPI teams were getting briefed, that had better be me. In fact I put the word out: this could be our moment — I wanted every Exec to drop everything even if it was the Friday before Christmas, and get themselves over to W———— Mansion, a ruined gothic house decaying in a hidden valley in Gloucestershire. This is what we’d been training for, this is it boys, this is — werewolves?
***
On the drive down I mentally reviewed my knowledge of lycanthropes. No, I had never encountered one — there was the story of the Horringer Court werewolf in Bury of course, and I’d seen the sheep killed out Barton Mills way, but no werewolves. I’d joked that the big cats seen prowling the British countryside must be lycanthropes, but the idea of real werewolves? Beyond my Boggle threshold. Something however had killed three ghost hunters and left them as bloodied piles of rags, and whatever it was it was still out there. The moon rises over the hill ahead; waxing gibbous, full on Boxing Day? What self-respecting werewolf would attack several days early? I vaguely mused on whether lycanthropes had union regulations, but before I can google it we arrive at the mansion gates.
It is a mile from the car park down the valley through the woods, and police tape closed the entrance. We decided to stroll down and find the police, and we had not gone far before we heard a panicked cry off to the left “its in the trees! It’s coming!” We just had time to duck as a three round burst stung the brush to life, a startled pheasant took wing and we made contact with the firearms officers who’d come close to adding us to the ghosts of the Park.
***
ĶYou’ve seen the pictures on the news off the bloodbath in the Mansion. There were five known victims by the time we arrived, and we crept through echoing gothic corridors whispering in voices muted by the very real presence of death. Sure, there may not be an actual werewolf, but *something* had apparently entered through a window and utterly eviscerated three women performing glass divination, before stalking and killing two more ghost hunters. The only clue was the kitten ball trigger object was missing; could this be the work of a homicidal maniac ghost-hunter-hunter triggered into a psychotic rage by kitten balls? I’m guessing this is not the case?!
While ambulances evacuate survivors and the police establish an incident room in the safety of The Bear at Rodborough, we pace nervously around while the SOCOs do their forensic duty. Apart from a dictaphone and a blood spattered ouija board there is not much left in the room.
One familiar face catches my attention: Richard Freeman, looking like a gnome in police coveralls. It’s pretty clear he has taken charge, so I wait till he is ready to talk. As soon as the moment arose I greet him with a question “Werewolf?”.
There is something of Dr. Who about Richard. The early ones; possibly Jon Pertwee. This feels increasingly like an episode of that time travelling drama, but I’m not cut out to play the Brigadier. “Nope. Guess again!” The cryptozoologist looks at me straightfaced so I respond the same way, as if this is not a tragically bizarre situation. “Panther?”.
Richard shrugs “Closer but the bodies were eviscerated after the kill. It looks like the skulls were cracked by a single snapping bite. In all my experience closest thing I’ve seen kill something this way is a weasel.” We look at each other solemnly, and I nod as if giant woman-eating weasels were not an unusual part of my daily routine. I do not like to let on this is my first time.
***
By this time my team have started to roll in; as instructed the NRPI are to gather at The Bear, the Exec to be allowed through the cordon. It is clear a dangerous carnivorous and seemingly still hungry monster is roaming the area; exactly the kind of situation where I want my board members to hand. I figure once it eats one or two of them it will be far easier to defeat; the ensuing indigestion should ensure that…
The Groups Officer wanders in first; wearing his cowboy hat, swinging nonchantly a Glock 17 he’d liberated from a police corpse out the front. At least that explained why the sentry had not told us of our mans arrival; poor fellow had been decapitated and left slumped by the door. We get a call saying we’ll soon be joined by Training: he’s doing a ton up all the way down the A40 from Fishguard with a police escort: more importantly he has the Mk3 Carnacki Electric Pentacle in the boot.
Now I know most of you don’t care about this stuff, and Steve’s Mk2 is way more robust with the perspex tubes and LEDs, and sure you can amend the frequency by his iPhone app — but I think Carnacki used vacuum tubes for a better reason than Maplins not having been invented then. Steve might wear Harry Price’s hat both figuratively and literally, but Thomas Carnacki was also a fine occultist, and I’ve read enough of the Sigsand Manuscript to know…
Anyway, by this point the Treasurer suggests that we head off and try and find out what was going on before we end up as a were-weasel’s supper. A scream from out the back by the haunted toilet block (ask Hayley about that one) is followed by a sickening crunch, and then silence. I have no idea who the latest victim was, and no desire to go out to investigate. Instead I suggest we secure the team in the room with glass windows (and a heater), and I’ll go with Groups and his handy Glock (is the safety off?) and check for any other survivors.
***
So we creep, quiet as we can, through the haunted halls, through empty Chambers, and — We realised we had not played the dictaphone back. So we return, grab it, set off and finding ourselves in the tearoom I hit play as we fix ourselves coffee…
Transcript of recording
Voice 1: if there is anybody there who would like to communicate speak now?
Voice 2: Use our energy. Play with our balls. The kitten balls I mean.
(Giggling)
Voice 3: [Eerie elderly woman’s voice, speaking in received pronunciation, slight northern tones? – enunciating clearly…]
“His thoughts were red thoughts and his teeth were white.
His enemies called for peace, but he brought them death.”
Voice 1: “Hang on, did you hear something? Like a child chanting a rhyme?”
Voice 2: “No why?”
Voice 4: “How you doing?”
Voice 1: “We thought we heard a child’s voice?”
Voice 4: (Skeptical tone) “really? Let’s try a glass divination.”
Voice 2: “it’s moving: C -A – L- L – call C – J.”
Voice 4: “Who? What does that mean?”
There follows a frenzied and savage period of growling, snapping, crunching and screaming.
End Transcript.
I’m leaning back by the window opening sipping my coffee, and I muse on what we’ve just heard; delighted I add to it the missing lines
Sredni Vashtar went forth;
His thoughts were red thoughts and his teeth were white
His enemies called for peace, but he brought them death
Sredni Vashtar the beautiful!
I do a little gleeful dance “It’s from a short story by Saki, H.H. Munro. One of my favourites as a child, along with TEshe Unrest Cure and Esmé, oh and Tobermory of course. It’s about a young boy called Conradin, living with a guardian aunt who is killed by his pet polecat or ferret Sredni Vashtar.”
I notice the Byron (Groups) is pointing his Glock at me and has adopted an awful look of horror. “Sure” I reassure swiftly “Saki is not to everyone’s taste but…”
I realise he is looking behind me, out through the window. A flash of white teeth, a gleam of orange eyes and a twelve foot long ectoplasmic weasel luminous with the numinous of the divine: a deity of ancient days, when humanity was young. A deity of ancient tastes, red human lives, back in our world and seeking — what? I cry out to the wind “Sredni Vashtar” — and a petulant squeak from the rooftop is drowned in thunder and the first sheet of distant lightning.
⁸
So who was the ghost? What was the connection with Saki’s imaginary Sredni Vashtar? And why has he returned? I’m holding court to the Exec and the not-so-athletic members of the NRPI I have invited to join us in case I’m forced to flee. The faster ones are less use to me and are guarding the cordon. We can’t have a voracious ancient predator god devour Swindon; Stroud is collateral damage, but…
The room is lit by prismatic lights from the rival models of Electric Pentacles, but even the most enthusiastic of us is unsure if it will work against a Saiitii manifestation of this power. The experimental Saamaa Propagators (Alexas taught to recite the ritual in response to a PKE monitor signal) are now deployed in all corridors leading to our sanctuary, but most of our people are trained to look for evidence of paranormal entities or supernatural incursions – not in confronting them.
Someone asks “Why did the ouija ask for CJ?”. I’d wondered that myself. Only thing I can think of is my fellow Ars Magica author Mark once told me about his work here as a zoologist – convincing the local badgers they had been abducted by aliens I believe. He shone a light in their eyes, sprayed them with ketamine and inserted a tracking implant for wildlife study — so could he have upset the local badgers to the point they had called upon their ancient god? Were they planning revenge on all his fellow authors? Do badgers even know how to read? I could call David in Tokyo and get Mark’s number. I am about to when I mention he keeps ferrets: then everyone tells me to stop, and asked how I offended him? Why does everybody assume I am offensive?
***
Well that question has not been answered; a bunch of screaming, slobbering and slurping and everyone starts cowering. “Well clearly it wants CJ” someone suggests, and so out I go to confront the beast. (A mustelid I think Richard said – its unnatural size and the darkness makes it hard to identify but he thinks it might be a Pliocene era ancestor of its modern ilk. It seems to fluctuate in size at will too according to his observations).
My reckless dash in to the dark is not motivated by heroism; word has reached us that our shadowy rivals from the Civil Service outfit The Laundry might have been called. No way are we letting some spooky government outfit mess this up. Its rumoured they have built a Ghost Containment HQ in Cheltenham, a toroidal (donut shaped) particle accelerator that can hold entities like this indefinitely – for study. You know the Public Sector; they get results. If only I’d actually read James’ monograph on “The Physics of the Astral Plane” when the old boy was still…
***
It sat there in the darkness on top of the fence, looking at me. White teeth gleaming and amber eyes burning with supernatural fire. It looked me up and down with amused contempt, and then squeaked at me in a high pitched sing sing tone not unlike the children’s TV puppets of my distant youth…
“I have chosen this form. If you saw me as I truly am you’d faint, you’d be petrified, mummified, turned into stone or a pillar of salt!”
I stepped forward, palms turned outwards to show I am unarmed “Cruel Sredni Vashtar, avenger of insults, I hope I have not offended you? Why do you return to Earth? There are no aunts troubling me?”
The beast glowered with supernatural pride, something easy to write but hard to imagine unless you have seen it. I have, and you don’t want to. Sredni looked at me askance and said “I am not evil. I could be if I wanted. You don’t know what damage or harm I could do if I were roused. I could kill you all, but I won’t.”
I resisted the urge to say he was doing a pretty good job based upon the mangled corpses scattering the grounds. I resisted the temptation. I enquired gently “would you like to meet my colleagues? We can come to a deal”. I was mentally working out which Execs were surplus to requirements. Well except as weasel food…
“Who’s we? Is it that spook man Harry Price? Why, I won’t speak into it. I’ll go and smash his windows. I’ll drop a brick on him as he lies in bed. Me at the age of 175?”
It had clearly seen Steve wearing Harty Price’s hat. “One moment” I call Ed our Research Officer Ed but his phone goes straight to voicemail. Obviously asleep or at the gym?
Something about this entity: a nagging familiarity. It’s toying with me, with deadly intent. I could be shredded any second. “Oh Great Sredni Vashtar, why do you come among us?”
“I was brought to England from Egypt by a man named Holland. When I was in India, I lived with a tall man who wore a green turban on his head. Then I lived with a deformed man, a hunchback.”
I looked at him critically. “That’s unkind!”
Clearly irate he swelled to thirty foot high “I’ll split the atom! I am the fifth dimension! I am the eighth wonder of the world!”
I hesitated briefly and considered: the Saamaa Ritual or the Latin Rite? Stay with your own culture: I began the Exorcism in my abominable Latin…
He lunged towards me, poised for a decapitating strike “I am not a spirit. I am a little extra, extra clever mongoose.”
I suddenly and abruptly laughed. “Gef? Did Voirrey send you?”.
***
Now despite my avowals above, every bit of this section is true. It was a mistake anyone could have made. 1993, and I was running the Cheltenham Psychic Research Group: and I gave a talk at Cheltenham Library open to the public on the strange case of Gef the Talking Mongoose. I talked at length about the family in their remote Isle of Man farmhouse, the teenage daughter Voirrey, and I suggested that Gef was a psychosexual release for her adolescent passions and took a rather Freudian line; I was too young to know better, and had read too much Nandor Fodor I suspect.
Nowadays almost everyone has heard of Gef – its pronounced “Jeff” in case you were wondering, and trust me I have it on very good authority. Back in 1993 it was far more obscure – the World Wide Web still lay in the future, and Fortean research was still confined to small organisations, fanzines and the Fortean Times. Voirrey had not said anything about the haunting at Cashen’s Gap and her ghostly mongoose since the seventies, and I assumed she was long dead.
So when elderly Mrs Irving who always came with her friend joined me after the lecture for a cup of tea and said laughingly “You are a very naughty boy CJ to say all those things” I just assumed she meant it was a little risqué to discuss sexuality at a public talk. She stood around sipping her tea and I wandered off to chat to Gary Skidmore’s cute daughter.
It was twenty years later that I learned from Christopher Josiffe that Voirrey had left the Isle of Man and transferred to Dowtys Bishops Cleeve branch on the outskirts of Cheltenham. I remember her correcting me on another occasion for calling her Valerie, and thinking Voirrey well that’s a coincidence. She died twenty years ago, before I realised. I lost the chance of a lifetime, and speculated on an elderly woman’s teenage sexual fantasies while she sat and – praise Sredni! — laughed, and said nothing.
I could see why she might be miffed.
So I’m home now, writing this, and I can’t help but feel Voirrey had the last laugh. I invented a cover story about dismissing the entity by reversing the polarity and crossing the streams on one of our more experimental devices, and the Laundry are probably scouring Ellis’ Tractatus Hypergeometria trying to steal the magickal technology.
Gef returned in my overcoat pocket, and has settled in well with the cats, encouraging them in their feral and destructive ways, encouraging Marmalade to interrupt webinars and hurtling up and down the stairs at 3am with Loki. With Hansine he displays old world courtesy; though his habit of repeating in English exactly what the cats think of us is less appreciated.
So why did he return after so long, and where had he been? Asking a being as potent as Sredni/Gef such questions is met with a dismissive roll of the eyes, and a shrug. Fortunately he has got really in to Taylor Swift now, and watches her videos on YouTube all night, and listens to his mp3 player though he says “put the bloody gramophone on”. I’ve bought him the Eras Tour video for Christmas and who knows maybe we will see her show? I mean he can pass as my assistance mongoose?
And so while I begin the sad business of organising the elections to replace those ASSAP Execs who were sadly consumed by Gef, I’d just like to wish you all a most excellent Christmas, and Gef just squeaked his message -“I am a ghost in the form of a mongoose, and I shall haunt you all with weird noises and clanking chains.”
So it’s not Jacob Marley, just Gef. Merry Christmas!
Merry Advent everybody! Soon Christmas will be upon us, I will write another ghost story and the Association for Scientific Study of Anomalous Phenomena (www.assap.ac.uk) will shut its doors for a week, barring the Thursday night free member’s talk on the web. There are loads you can watch here if interested.
I missed the London party but I met up with some of the Execs last night in Cheltenham where we chatted about plans for the New Year, current cases and active research, and ate a rather nice baked camembert. I should be able to cast off my Grinch persona (it’s my eyebrows) and settle back and enjoy the season.
Christmas spirits and boardgames!
It wasn’t going to happen was it? No not while more scientists are proclaiming “new discovery disproves ghosts” as happens half a dozen times a year, leading to wry amusement and sarcasm at the annual conference.
Statler and Waldorf
This time it is the humanities who irk me. Last might I was visited by the ghosts of Statler and Waldorf who cranked chains, groaned lugubriously at a volume exceeding even my snores, and dragged me off to see an article in The Guardian.
Now can Elf on a shelf actually cause upset to tiny minds? Don’t ask me: my expertise is in poltergeists not developmental psychology. To be fair my mother attributed my fervent religiosity (I’m a mild Anglican; that was rabid fanaticism in her eyes) to my father building an experimental baby alarm that worked two ways — the voice coming through to tell baby CJ to go to sleep or sing a lullaby to me causing according to her my interest in such things.
Yes, I can see that Elf on a Shelf is annoying to those who dislike the modern and who regard anything American as irredeemably vulgar; and yes I can see that people who are creeped out by dolls or shop mannequins might find it eerie, and these twee nisse are to them the very stuff of nightmare. I fortunately suffer from neither complex, and can ignore Elf on a Shelf.
“I think there’s a risk of it inducing anxiety and attention-seeking behaviour in much the same way as poltergeist ‘victims’ were always trying to perform phenomena that were more impressive than the last.”
Er, what? I’ve studied poltergeists for 30 odd years, and while I don’t claim to be one of the foremost authorities I think even a casual reading of Gauld and Cornell’s Poltergeists that magisterial 1979 study of the phenomena would show this isn’t what happens. You could look at the calendar of Enfield Phenomena from Guy Lyon Playfair’s This House is Haunted; you could look at Houran and Lange’s paper on how ghost narratives development with phenomena over time, or mine which is easily available on the web. You could read William Roll, D. Scott Rogo, or Sacheverell Sitwell.
No I am not saying Dr Vernon does not know her stuff. She has written a well regarded book on sleep disorders, and while we probably disagree on a lot there (I’m a great sceptic of the placeholder “sleep paralysis”; a syndrome not a specific condition is my reading of the evidence) I plan to read it very soon. She is undoubtedly better than me in that area; I am less certain on poltergeists.
I get the impression Dr. Vernon does not take poltergeists seriously? Here she differs sharply from Dr. Rebecca Smith, whose PhD recreating the Victorian “Census of Hallucinations” led her to the inescapable conclusion the ghosts of the past and the ghost of the present are one and the same; despite all cultural change the underlying experience is reported identically, unlike the ghosts of fiction.
So how has Dr. Vernon come to this mistaken belief, that poltergeists increase over time? Yes there is often escalation of phenomena, but it then fades, and in fact often abandons the ‘agent’ at the height of the attention. Is it “performed?” That is a complex question, but the question of paranormal or supernatural agency in poltergeist cases is far more complex than the cultured despisers of the phenomena allow. Those of us who have worked poltergeist cases in the last thirty years are a small but not invisible group: Darren Ritson would have been an excellent choice to provide comment here; his work on the South Shields case with Mike Hallowell makes him an obvious choice. A good sceptic or Ciaran O Keefe like Hayley Stevens could provide comment. Someone who knows the subject; rather than the implication it’s just a non-subject.
So why does Dr Vernon dismiss polts? She has apparently read Kate Summercale’s book on Alma Fielding (my review here) but not I fear Nandor Fodor’s own books. I’m often hard on those who enter my academic area despite wandering all over other people’s disciplines — but there is a reason why I am a bit sour. Very often research funding goes to people with no actual history in the field; they write attractive hardbacks that briefly appear on the shelves of Waterstones but they completely fail to engage with us subject specialists, or the one hundred and fifty years of Psychical Research, the large literature or the Society for Psychical Research (www.spr.ac.uk) and ASSAP (www.assap.ac.uk). We are dismissed, our subject reduced to Ghostbusters jokes or those Reality TV ghosthunting shows.
And when the subject does appear in the media, it is usually outsiders spouting soundbites, and there is nothing of substance there. Let me give you an example. I have written a few papers over the years on “The Cheltenham Ghost” a very famous Victorian haunting. I even get a mention in the Wikipedia entry. Recently the papers ran another article stating the excellent TV comedy Ghosts has much in common with the case: I was incredulous. I simply can not see it, and the last paragraph
“Perhaps the most interesting similarity, though, is how the ghosts affect the living residents’ relationship with the house. For both Alison and Miss Morton, there’s a sense that their paranormal experiences help them to form an attachment to their new home, allowing them to explore the building’s past while also making it their own.”
– bears no resemblance to anything I could find in the article in Proceedings of the Society for Psychical Research VIII. I’ve just realised however that this is a Halloween piece by the same Dr Vernon ; I’m sensing a pattern. Have some Literature department academics been awarded funding to write about ghosts? Have Aberystwth’s press office demanded newsworthy stories?
Look I have nothing against that. The Cheltenham Ghost is a fascinating case; my paper on how it inspired Henry James’ The Turn of the Screw is out in the New Year, and my paper which mentions Gustav Holst’s role in the story and the actual context of the0 whole story can be found here. Am I miffed that I have researched since 1987 without reward, funding or recognition? Not so much. I could say what I want.
Still, please, please, journalists, when the press releases come in and someone has some exciting new theory on ghosts, email media@assap.ac.uk and we will get you a bit of context.
I originally wrote this back in 2017 but it is useful every year. One less thing to worry about in the holiday season!
“I notice a number of friends believe they have failed at Whamageddon. They are wrong! Rule 3 is relevant here. Only the original version applies.
Now unless you are playing the 1984 vinyl cut (Epic / GA 4949 (UK))
you are actually going to be hearing the 1985 reissue that is a cut down version of the 12″ ‘pudding mix’ – a remix – the only version available on CD or digitally. Remixes don’t count by the rules – but the version everyone thinks is original is a remix of the first release, which is only accessible to vinyl collectors.
In fact the original mix was never released in its entirety: the ’84 versions are both taken from the same take, but the 7″ 1984 version was never released again and was superseded by the 1985 edit. So you are almost certainly still in if the version you heard was digital or CD and if by original version you mean the unreleased extended version you definitely are.
Hope this helps? You are still alive and not off to the halls of Whamhalla!”
And I think I missed my vocation in law! I’d have been a good barrister. 😉
By the way if you are very curious or just tired of life you can lose the game by playing the original mix on YouTube here
There is less going on than in the Pudding Mix but unless you knew it was the original you might not even notice!
Watched Uncanny episode 1. What a fantastic case! I hope if you have not seen it yet you will go and watch it, and warning here that there are major spoilers below. Also if you are happy to be entertained and spooked and not critique things move on — obviously it is my job to analyse ghost cases, so I don’t have that possibility or I might.
What follows will make no sense if you have not watched it (BBC2 so should be on iPlayer) yet. Go watch it first – it really is worth it. If it all pans out then it is technically a veridical haunting and that is like finding a leprechaun riding a unicorn. The first term means the case involved information being given that could not have been known to the witness – the second term haunting in the technical sense is a case where the same apparition is seen by independent witnesses separated in time.
Now I’m known to be a major critic of the theory that neurotoxic mould inhalation causes hallucinations; fortunately there is no need for me to rehash the absence of supporting medical evidence as the witnesses to “Miss Howard” were either side of the renovations. And even if all concerned were tripping their proverbial off on psilocybin they would hardly hallucinate the same thing?
Now nobody as far as I know thinks the Phillip Experiment had anything to do with suggestion; Owen thought it proved PK, psychokinesis and followed Kenneth Bacheldor’s idea that psi impedance or inhibition could be overcome by attributing the psychic effect to an external agency. I’ve conducted a lot of experiments in that direction (even via Freeform larp) and could have suggested an equally simple but much more effective test than Danny’s creative writing glass séance. Sadly nobody ever asks me anything!
So has Danny struck gold, no platinum? Maybe! I can suggest explanations and how to test them. If these simple things can be done Danny has found an all time great case.
First up how can the two sets of witnesses almost a decade apart have seen the same thing? Well there is one major possibility we should rule out – it is surprisingly easy to induce false memories in people, especially false memories of childhood. So all we need is a single witness who can state Kate told them about Miss Howard before she discovered the blog in 2010. It’s not that I disbelieve her, I absolutely do but we need some record. An email, a forum post, a letter, a datable conversation.Given this experience has affected her deeply for so much of her life, this seems likely to prove simple. She told a few friends then stopped talking about it. Did she tell anyone in her childhood? Her parents? We need independent verification.
2. When did each family move in to the house? The experiences were about a decade apart? Dates would be useful. The biggest issue is that Miss Howard died 8 years before the first witnesses moved in – was she remembered in the village? Did kids at the Primary School tell stories about her? Was there something about her that made her memorable? Did post addressed to Miss Howard still arrive? Eight years make it seem unlikely, but where did both families reside before they moved in? I don’t think any of the witnesses were old enough to remember Miss Howard, but might be worth talking to others who grew up in the village. The reason I wonder if the story of “Miss Howard” came first is that all witnesses knew the name – it seems more likely from a seeding story than anything else? Knowing which schools the girls attended would be very useful?
3. Kate was able to identify Nora H as the ghost from a photo. Were the other witnesses not? Obviously now the shown has been screened its too late. However were the witnesses asked to independently describe the apparition to a police artist? I thought there were discrepancies in the descriptions?
4. The best bit was the discovery that 65 and 95 were the same address. The problem is we have the researchers word for it, and having been a TV researcher I know what a dubious bunch we are. Becky and I both immediately suggested a renumbering, but the 1960s is quite late and thirty houses a major change. (Imagine the postal chaos!). If there was a ring road or similar built that demolished a lot of houses many streets shortened I know: normally though numbers are retained or added to a street, not subtracted. Fortunately I was able to independently verify this (see below).
5. Why did we not see the 2008 blog? The mother was the source of the piece – and if the mother experienced the hauntings as well as the daughter, she may well have asked around and quickly established that a Miss Howard resided in the house. She might have then named the ghost, and the name then been transmitted by local gossip, until unconsciously learned by Kate?
I must say I found it absolutely fascinating. I absolutely think the case should be properly written up for the journal. Interestingly the apparitions act according to the manner they should according to Becky’s PhD. I love the fact the TV show kept to the podcast format and am genuinely fascinated!
Some Research
After the show I stayed up for three hours. I was quickly able to verify most of the stuff from the show – while not adequately masking the address is an ethical disaster, it meant it was entirely possible to verify most of what was presented as history. It took me two minutes to find the house but ten minutes to find William French and Miss Norah Howard. The Howard family were a big deal in early 20th century Melbourn, one of the four major families from what I can make out. Jubal owned the bakery and Norah worked there and there is a great deal and all the photos used of the Howards in this book. I was also able to find a report on the Will of Miss Howard. The facts are as presented, and she was a pretty wealthy lady – that’s about £325,000 in modern money.
Problems?
The apparitional descriptions did not really give an age, but implied a Victorian or Edwardian spook. This puzzled me, as the house was probably not that old. The houses were built sometime I believe in the in the late 20s or early 30s – they look like buildings of that era I associate with ribbon development. The house was maybe 50 years old at the time of the first sightings, which is neither here not there, but argues against the mould nonsense.
The house number change was exactly as presented; well almost it apparently occurred in the early 1980s, which would be after the first witnesses according to one site I found, but I suspect that is an error and the show is correct. I will verify this later. I checked no.67. That house was lived in by the Baker family since WW2 and Miss Ellis and Miss Hughes before.
I have found a more significant problem: the inhabitant of the house was for most of its history Hilda Thompson (1935 to 1957). In 1957 it was bought by William E French (who clearly did not die in the war) and in 1960 in moved Norah Howard with him. So they may have been cohabiting there from 1957 but she only lived in the house at most for the last six years of her life. Or did she? I checked and there was an earlier house on the site of No. 65 – and it looks like it was home to Jonah Howard, who I seem to recall had a withered arm and was a shoemaker? It is entirely conceivable that his sister did indeed live with him in this previous house.
I only had three hours last night to do a lot of research though admittedly I did it all from my bed: given a day in Cambridgeshire I’m sure I could find a great deal more. It is a bit frustrating that apparently it took the BBC researchers a great deal of effort to do what seems fairly simple to me – and one of my real frustrations is that despite fifteen years as a TV Researcher, being a historian and also as it happens a parapsychologist at least by the definition used by the show, no one who makes decent paranormal TV is ever willing to pay me to research for them, preferring to do it in house. If I’d had the chance to help plan this I honestly feel I could have taken a really good case and made it a truly great one.
Oh and for Bold Street Timeslips see Dr Ann Winsper obviously! https://youtu.be/qNfvraEoebE?si=dDbeTEToGsfPqD3Z She is the absolute authority on the area, and I’m going to ignore that whole angle and most of what the experts said, and just address the evidential value of the case. I’m not finished yet though!
What is the actual underlying nature of paranormal events? I will suggest three ideas of how it might work – tell me which you think the evidence most suggests? This is my three tier model so feel free to critique it and say why it’s wrong.
So I think explanations for genuine paranormal events (assuming here such a thing exists) fall in one of three layers of cause – which are:
Spiritual. This is transcendent phenomena- Supernatural, originating from outside of our universe (Time/Space). Such things result in alterations or interruptions to the normal rules of physics, causality and existence and we can only observe the effects not the direct cause. Paranormal phenomena are directly caused by entities outside our Universe changing our reality by altering its programming as they see fit.
Ghostly: this model suggests a subtle energy field that overlies our known world but has not been detected by science. Minds, consciousness and the deceased may exist there after their earthly version ceases to exist. Often called the Etheric, after the luminiferous æther a substance through which light was believed to travel in late 19th century physics but discredited in the early 20th century. Spooks exist in 3 dimensional space but alongside the existence our senses percieve.Paranormal phenomena are natural but outside of our current ability to scientifically predict or percieve or explain properly.
Psychic. In this humans have the capacity to reprogram chance/entropy/gravity by psychic means: telepathy, psychokinesis, healing and clairvoyance exist as little understood psi powers. Ghosts are often manifestations of our own psychic abilities conveying us information about the past or haunting ourselves. Like dreams, psychosomatic illness or perhaps some talents the psychic does not understand or control these powers and often mistakenly attributes them to an external source. Again in this version paranormal events are natural just not yet understood.
So which do you think is correct?
Another way of looking at it is simpler – my In/Out idea. Phenomena exist either in the human mind, or externally. Philosophers historically have often argued for two types of stuff that make up reality – dualism – and a common divide is between mind stuff, like consciousness and physical stuff like brains and trees and gravity and the sky. (There are some odd cases like mathematics where we can debate which it falls into).
If ghosts are mind stuff as we would expect of a disembodied consciousness they might well be perceived by other minds but you would not see them with your eyes or get a photo of one, and they would not be measurable by any scientific instrument. They might be completely real: lots of mind stuff may be very real but science deals with physical stuff not the mind stuff (psychic) realm. So this is my In ghosts: objective hallucinations, perhaps sentient entities but no longer physically embodied so only able to interact with us through our minds – and we are normally unconscious of their presence.
The Out ghost is much more friendly to ghosthunting: it’s a physical entity that exists in the universe occupies a position in space and time and works through (unknown) physical laws. If we see it we see it with our eyes because light photons bounce off it and we can perhaps detect it with monitoring devices. It’s physical but like gravity hard to measure and model without the right devices: we normally see the effects.
Still Out ghosts exist in the physical universe; In ghosts in the realm of consciousness. Which is correct?
It seems odd to us now but when I was a kid I lived through one of the coldest winters on record in the UK — December/January 1981 to 82, when blizzards swept across the country and heavy snow isolated us on the farm, cutting us off. That winter is well remembered — but East Anglia was to see snow laying on the Breck again in December of ’82 and January ’83. Why do I remember this fairly insignificant snowfall? Hymn by Ultravox was in the charts – a track I liked as a young lad, and that became associated with the events in my mind, dating it for me.
It is also because of the West Stow panther. My sister Ingrid lived at Flempton (a small village close to West Stow) with her husband Richard Middleton; he and his twin brother Robert used to walk down to West Stow for a drink when not having beers in The Greyhound; maybe it was while walking back Richard thought he glimpsed a panther! Ingrid had a magnificent German Shepherd dog called I believe Sheba, and it was while walking that Richard reported finding strange footprints – the brothers set out with a camera and photographed them. Not hard to believe that area could be home to a big cat – there are large numbers of deer there.
A few years later my parents were drinking outside The White Horse at Icklingham a few miles away when they and the others present saw what looked like a large black panther stalking prey on the opposite side of the field. The gait was feline; the tail very long. They were all quite certain what they saw. A few years later I recorded both incidents in my 1992 book Spectral Suffolk, and promptly lost interest.
Besides I had developed a certain scepticism occasioned by the number of photographs I had seen of what looked like Labradors, slightly large moggies and even one apparent stuffed toy. 😉 As my own eyesight failed I began to realise that it’s not always easy to identify perfectly normal things in poor light. Furthermore the paucity of evidence struck me — where were the roadkill big cats? The CCTV footage? Police thermal cameras – it’s hard to hide from a helicopter? Where are the spoors, the cadavers, the mutilated and half eaten prey? To keep a population of hungry predators filled up is going to reduce livestock and prey? When an academic friend suggested I adopted a breeding pair of snow leopards I believe he mentioned needing a sheep every 4 or 5 days between them, or they might eat toddlers. They jump well as I recall too? Somehow this did not strike me as an ideal house pet given I lived in a flat on Great Norwood Street.
Also it is hard for humans to breed it seems even armed with Tinder and alcohol — how many big cats would have to have been released in 1976 to result in a stable breeding population? It just seemed unlikely to me; I was not ruling it out, and I knew all belief and testimony was for big cats prowling the British countryside but I was not personally convinced. Which given I frequently believe six impossible things before breakfast…
And then lockdown happened, and the story a week or so turned into a daily rash of sightings. Now we know that real creatures ended up wandering far into towns — a couple of deer were filmed at the end of my street in the middle of Cheltenham. Wildlife quickly reasserted itself; humanities retreat showed us just how quickly our cities would be reclaimed if humanity dies out. So if these are real big cats, well this is precisely what we would expect. Less people about means the few out and about are more likely to witness a bashful big cat.
Daily Star images of alleged big cats. They look like, well cats!
However there is an alternative hypothesis – the Psychosocial Hypothesis. At times of societal tension these sightings might be expected to rise. With waves of people dying across the country, an uncertain future and government imposed house arrest and effective curfews we might expect there to be an explosion in paranormal beliefs and anomalous experiences. The late Robert Moore, David Sivier and myself all hold to variants of the Psychosocial Hypothesis and it equally explains the reported phenomena…
Except — I saw no equivalent increase in UFO reports, ghost cases or even poltergeist occurrences. Not only at ASSAP, but in the other organisations I spoke to there seemed to be little hard evidence of an increase in people having weird experiences. Perversely there was a whole rash of news stories especially in the science journalism press saying that people were turning to psychics and seeing Ghosts and UFOs everywhere — I was asked to comment on a couple but they did not use my thoughts — but if anything the reverse was true. Its hard to tell – I can never tell you numbers for a given phenomenon, only *reports* of said phenomenon.
So why did big cat sightings increase? It makes sense if they are real animals, and I’m not convinced psychosocial explanations hold up. I asked ASSAP investigator Bobbi Allen to head up an initiative to record reports from the media and set up a database, and Project ABC began. After the pandemic cat sightings have declined again, but now they are all over the headlines once more.
A new documentary named Panthera Britannia has apparently resulted in evidence that when DNA tested showed that big cats roam through the UK. Oddly the press coverage was pretty consistently vague not telling us anything about the circumstances or the findings. I think this documentary was in last years awesome Fortean Film Festival but I could be wrong — I did not see it anyway. It is easy to find online or available from your favourite streaming service. I bought a copy for the purpose of this review which cost me about six quid but you can find it free I believe with adverts?
Now I was ready to slam this, and in fact the titles were a bit full on and my natural suspicion that a bit of hair testing positive is not the same as real big cats roaming Britain made me expect it to be a scam. In fact its not- made by believers it is an intelligent, interesting and entertaining look at the big cat phenomenon that despite my scepticism convinced me yes its possibly true.
The documentary covers the history well being both educational and entertaining- who would have suspected Cobbett’s Rural Rides (1870) includes a big cat sighting? Not me and I’ve read chunks of it at uni. It cracks along at a fair old pace, and rapidly discards the notion of relict animals that have survived through history.
One thing the film doesn’t address is supernatural or psychosocial explanations — the CFZ is admirably Fortean but here the emphasis is on “are real physical big cats out there?”. There is discussion of the infamous aftermath of the 1976 Dangerous Wild Animals Act and one chap who admits on camera to releasing a couple of big cats. I’m sceptical about this producing a breeding population that would have lasted into this century because you’d have a big Founder Effect genetic flaws would be enhanced and you’d probably lack the numbers. Also you’d have to have the same species released, or at least ones capable of interbreeding.
The film argues this has happened and Britain may contain a tiny population of big cats, here identified as probably leopards, the Panthera pardus. These are it is suggested melanistic black panthers (not Huey Newton and the boys) and hybrids, closest to the leopards of Malaya and Indonesia.
The film is great at covering the many experts in the field and briefly shows the CFZ and Gloucestershire’s Frank Tuttle. Just like ghosthunters a lot of Big Cat researchers get into it after a clear sighting of their own. There is a classic description of how NOT to take a witness statement – I’m hoping just to make a point not the chap’s real methodology – and a number of people who like Bobbi, Jackie Tonks, Richard Freeman and others have spent years on the issue.
Some of the questions I raised earlier are answered, but essentially the case is made by not all the eyewitness statements but rather by the physical evidence – analysis of chewed sheep bones at the Royal Ag, some footage from trail cams (is that a badger or a bear?) and some inventive analysis of footage to scale it. (A big domestic cat is still a domestic cat guys; 10% variation not exceptional).
Yes there are moments when I want to shout at the TV but it is generally far less idiotic than most of the Paranormal TV nonsense and the community of researchers seem sincere and intelligent (I bet the politics is just as awful though :D).
The documentary builds nicely to some researchers with trail cams (surprisingly cheap) and thermal gear out in the field and then at the end almost as an afterthought we are given the DNA evidence. It’s a bit underwhelming — I was expecting something interesting from environmental DNA but its just “a hair that had already tested positive as leopard was submitted to a university and was a leopard hair.”
Todd Disotell bane of Bigfoot researchers for shooting down every supposed bit of DNA evidence in other documentaries appears and says “yes it’s leopard”. The only problem is of course we have to accept the hair was found on that barbed wire fence in Gloucestershire not planted there and is in fact from a native animal not taken from say a zoo. We all know cat hair gets everywhere! However it does seem that there are multiple sources for DNA of leopards in the UK. [ EDIT – I’m now learned that DNA was not analysed in time for this film and is covered in the sequel Panthera Britannia Declassified which I’m now looking forward to.]
Dr Todd Disotell
And that’s pretty much it. The documentary tries to make it a huge deal but unless you breed sheep on Dartmoor it probably isn’t. There are much scarier things in the Forest of Dean than panthers – I mean Zodiac Mindwarp, what’s left of EMF and wild boars and that’s before you get to Cinderford on a Friday night! 😀 Living with wild cats in the UK strikes me as much like living with wild tortoises — I know they are out there but they avoid me and I never see them. I suspect I’m more likely to die by an eagle dropping a tortoise on my head than be eaten by a wild panther, or maybe by tripping over one. I don’t worry about wild tortoises every time I head into the British countryside.
Still Panthera Britannia is a great documentary; and yes the illegal trade in exotic animals probably continues and some escape or are released in to the wild. It’s rather sweet (if you are not a deer or sheep) to think they might find their own kind their and live long and happy lives. I’m still a little hesitant to say I’m convinced but I will say it sounds better than my werewolf explanation! 😀
I’m notorious for never watching TV or movies but I’m currently reading Designers & Dragons Shannon Appelcline’s wonderful history of the rpg industry and immersed in 1970s and 1980s culture. While doing so I chanced upon the cover of White Dwarf issue 77 (I’m guessing 1985 or ’86) and the striking image…
White Dwarf 77 cover by Chris Achilléos
Now this is from a very different era: even when I first met Becky almost twenty years later she referred to my rpg books and mags as “soft porn”. Given the sexploitation imagery that was prevalent on them, I can see why – they are closer to the days of Benny Hill than modern sensibilities. More on this later…
It struck me that I recognised the image, and started me musing that I had seen the image elsewhere – and then I found it was the Chris Achilléos poster for a cult animated 1981 Canadian movie called Heavy Metal.
The famous movie poster
The story of how the film was made is an odd one; Heavy Metal magazine was the direct source and the soundtrack is filled with Cheap Trick, Grand Funk Railroad, Nazareth and er, Stevie Nicks! I have put the OST on as I type this and it’s pretty mellow music actually predating most thrash/speed/black metal – more Wishbone Ash than what was to come. It is very North American: the New Wave of British Heavy Metal isn’t much reflected. Devo is!
The movie is five short stories, an anthology linked by an evil space alien that takes the form of a glowing green sphere. They are incredibly uneven in quality, though there is a certain dry wit in some, and persistent adolescent humour throughout. It is fun cheesy sexploitation fantasy violence – adolescent male fantasies of big breasted naked women pining for fast sex and lots of broadswords and ludicrously named villains and green skinned minions who die in droves. It reminded me that Heavy Metal culture embraced Tolkein hard, and D&D culture embraced Heavy Metal. I think the links between the Metal scene and rpg culture with their mutual love of fantasy landscapes casual sexism and occult practices need proper investigation; adolescent landscapes of imagination and wish fulfillment.
So is the film any good? Objectively no: it’s pretty awful from a plot perspective. Is it enjoyable? Yes, maybe. This is going to be a cult film: I was never impressed by The Rocky Horror Picture Show or Withnail & I so I probably have terrible taste.
Another thing I’ve noticed rewatching some movies like This is Spinal Tap, The Full Monty and Hot Fuzz is that I go from loving a film to watching it again and not liking it much to adoring it as my life changes. So it’s really contextual if I like a film: it says nothing about the quality.
I watched this film in bits and finished it out of a sense of duty. The better segments are the first half — some have halfway decent plots — but by the end I was entertained and it is beautifully animated. Five separate studios and one non-animated explosion at the end, Ivan Reitman producing and a number of famous actors on voices — yeah if you were born in the 60s or 70s you should watch this. If you were born after 2000 you might be sickened and confused though.
The colours strongly suggest you should smoke weed drink cheap beer and watch this in your bedroom. It is a mind blowing artefact from another time and culture more alien in some ways to us now than the planet Den travels to in the most famous sequence.
So why watch it? Well one of the finest South Park episodes is an extended tribute to/parody of it — Series 12 episode 3 Major Boobage in which Gerald and Kenny take up cheesing, huffing cat urine to get high – and enter the world of the movie. The parody is spot on, and unfortunately the South Park episode is far cleverer and raises far more significant issues than the original film which is more akin to Beavis & Butthead see Boobies in its unrelenting adolescent glory. I found a sequence from the South Park episode on YouTube here: it is not as graphic as the original film, South Park displaying taste, decorum and censorship in comparison! Do watch it before you rent the 1981 movie.
Don’t huff cats, kids! Drugs are bad, O.K?
So yes you should watch the film just so you can appreciate the South Park episode better: but it’s not going to make it in to the Canon when you next attend a literary salon and need to impress the intelligentsia.
So overall it was quite the experience; you can rent or buy the download online, and you might enjoy it. It did make me think a bit about all that gratuitous display of female nudity. A few comments — there is a lot of nudity but all of the women who do appear have personalities, agendas and a definite stake in the stories. Sex is commonly depicted in a manner that was shocking and titillating in 1981 – but our culture celebrates sex, sex work and sexuality in a way that in 1981 would have been a lot more shocking. I saw a Benny Hill sequence the other day and wondered what was really sexist about a dirty old man being chased by a group of angry women? If we accept Internet porn and Only Fans and Naked Attraction as a society, it is hard to see why the childlike but strangely innocent sexism of 1981’s Heavy Metal is shocking at all?
Anyway I watched a film: it seemed worth mentioning that fact!
I’m getting old: just bought my first loud three point doorbell. No ring video cams for me (the police have surveillance cameras covering our street anyway) just old fashioned bell so I can hear when the postman comes. It was that or buy a dog!
Unfortunately changes at the Royal Mail make this necessary. As many people may not be aware here is a summary of what’s going on with UK parcels through the Royal Mail. Up till now the postman has brought them out and tried to deliver them: if you are not in they might leave them with a neighbour but the default is they put a red card through your door. Armed with some kind of ID you can then trek round to the sorting office and collect your parcel (convenient if like me you live by one but not for most people) or you can phone and ask for redelivery the next day.
As we have all been ninja’d – where a postman just fills out the card in advance rather than lug the parcel round, then sneaks up and slips the card through the door before running like hell — less common in this age of video doorbells — we have all probably collected a parcel from the sorting office.
So what’s changing? Last three weeks it has changed to “try to deliver your parcel each day two times then tell you to collect it or return to sender”. Which sounds great and might actually work except many people in the UK work 9 to 5, Monday to Friday, and others have cause to (gasp!) **leave their homes!!!***. And some like me are just getting too deaf to hear their door – the postman only knocks twice.
So Royal Mail are getting rid of a whole load of office staff, your delivery may get returned (or left on your doorstep as is getting common here – and stolen, ditto!) or cunningly put in a safe place like your dustbin – which of course may get emptied by the binmen before you get home. Don’t laugh it happened to neighbours of mine.
So what? You can still go to the sorting office collection point? Sort of. The whole point of this cost cutting exercise is to get rid of them — they are shifting to only opening two hours in the morning and two in the afternoon and for a short period on Saturday. You won’t be able to just go and collect your parcel tbough until after two attempted deliveries – even though it is sitting in the office, they are no longer allowed to hand it to you.
So even if you don’t care about postal workers losing their jobs, this is an issue to worry about as ultimately it will inconvenience you and if you are not at home most of the time make your life harder. The Royal Mail is privatised but still under contract to the government: Write to your MP
A quick post tonight: I did another play through of this solo boardgame based on 80’s horror flicks. This time it’s Poltergeist: you have moved in to Creech Manor and very quickly discover that it is horribly haunted. So you do what any self respecting tenant would, and call the Association for Scientific Study of Anomalous Phenomena right? http://www.assap.ac.uk
Obviously not! Instead you plan to flee in terror but suddenly notice you are missing little sister Carolyn and her adorable cuddly toy Mr. Floppy. So you run back in, where a poltergeist is slaughtering your friends and family (should have called ASSAP) and having quickly checked there is nothing on the TV set about searching for Carolyn.
I do like the 1980s VHS cassette case style packaging!
The good news is she is hiding in either the attic, garage or closet. The bad news is the poltergeist tears through the house killing everyone and being a ghost you can’t hurt it. All you can do is run and search desperately and if you are superhuman save some of the innocent victims from the horror on the way.
It fits easily on a coffee table.
A quick reminder: you can’t play this “movie” expansion without the Final Girl core set. Expect to pay about £17 to £20 for that and the same for this supplement. Unlike pretty much any boardgame ever you can’t play Final Girl without an expansion (in most cases they are add ons to a core game). So is it worth it?
I rarely play solo games but I have got quite into Final Girl. It’s fun, frustratingly hard to win and delivers a tense atmospheric experience very much in genre. I do recommend reading the rules carefully and maybe watching a YouTube video on how to play but once you learn it is a lot of fun.
So did I defeat the poltergeist? Of course not! After the poltergeist came for me through the house leaving a trail of corpses I found Carolyn hiding in a closet; I was struck by lightning in a sudden storm, the house kept shaking and an unnatural wind blew up reducing my movement to a crawl but I made it downstairs and almost to an open window: only to realise I’d lost Carolyn. I ran back found her again, and the poltergeist finished me off as I fled back to that window and safety!
And the worst thing – three bloody ghosthunters turned up on a random event card and while they were faffing around with their EMF meters on the ground floor I was being slaughter by supernatural evil in the attic. Just like the Roman Road case in fact – but that’s another story!
If these simple things can be done Danny has found an all time great case.
"And sometimes he's so nameless" 
The One In Which Everyone but CJ embraces the Christmas Spirit…
Merry Advent everybody! Soon Christmas will be upon us, I will write another ghost story and the Association for Scientific Study of Anomalous Phenomena (www.assap.ac.uk) will shut its doors for a week, barring the Thursday night free member’s talk on the web. There are loads you can watch here if interested.
I missed the London party but I met up with some of the Execs last night in Cheltenham where we chatted about plans for the New Year, current cases and active research, and ate a rather nice baked camembert. I should be able to cast off my Grinch persona (it’s my eyebrows) and settle back and enjoy the season.
It wasn’t going to happen was it? No not while more scientists are proclaiming “new discovery disproves ghosts” as happens half a dozen times a year, leading to wry amusement and sarcasm at the annual conference.
This time it is the humanities who irk me. Last might I was visited by the ghosts of Statler and Waldorf who cranked chains, groaned lugubriously at a volume exceeding even my snores, and dragged me off to see an article in The Guardian.
Now can Elf on a shelf actually cause upset to tiny minds? Don’t ask me: my expertise is in poltergeists not developmental psychology. To be fair my mother attributed my fervent religiosity (I’m a mild Anglican; that was rabid fanaticism in her eyes) to my father building an experimental baby alarm that worked two ways — the voice coming through to tell baby CJ to go to sleep or sing a lullaby to me causing according to her my interest in such things.
Yes, I can see that Elf on a Shelf is annoying to those who dislike the modern and who regard anything American as irredeemably vulgar; and yes I can see that people who are creeped out by dolls or shop mannequins might find it eerie, and these twee nisse are to them the very stuff of nightmare. I fortunately suffer from neither complex, and can ignore Elf on a Shelf.
So why am I annoyed by the article? It’s a lightweight piece based on the opinions of Dr. Alice Vernon of Aberystwyth University, who states
“I think there’s a risk of it inducing anxiety and attention-seeking behaviour in much the same way as poltergeist ‘victims’ were always trying to perform phenomena that were more impressive than the last.”
Er, what? I’ve studied poltergeists for 30 odd years, and while I don’t claim to be one of the foremost authorities I think even a casual reading of Gauld and Cornell’s Poltergeists that magisterial 1979 study of the phenomena would show this isn’t what happens. You could look at the calendar of Enfield Phenomena from Guy Lyon Playfair’s This House is Haunted; you could look at Houran and Lange’s paper on how ghost narratives development with phenomena over time, or mine which is easily available on the web. You could read William Roll, D. Scott Rogo, or Sacheverell Sitwell.
No I am not saying Dr Vernon does not know her stuff. She has written a well regarded book on sleep disorders, and while we probably disagree on a lot there (I’m a great sceptic of the placeholder “sleep paralysis”; a syndrome not a specific condition is my reading of the evidence) I plan to read it very soon. She is undoubtedly better than me in that area; I am less certain on poltergeists.
I get the impression Dr. Vernon does not take poltergeists seriously? Here she differs sharply from Dr. Rebecca Smith, whose PhD recreating the Victorian “Census of Hallucinations” led her to the inescapable conclusion the ghosts of the past and the ghost of the present are one and the same; despite all cultural change the underlying experience is reported identically, unlike the ghosts of fiction.
So how has Dr. Vernon come to this mistaken belief, that poltergeists increase over time? Yes there is often escalation of phenomena, but it then fades, and in fact often abandons the ‘agent’ at the height of the attention. Is it “performed?” That is a complex question, but the question of paranormal or supernatural agency in poltergeist cases is far more complex than the cultured despisers of the phenomena allow. Those of us who have worked poltergeist cases in the last thirty years are a small but not invisible group: Darren Ritson would have been an excellent choice to provide comment here; his work on the South Shields case with Mike Hallowell makes him an obvious choice. A good sceptic or Ciaran O Keefe like Hayley Stevens could provide comment. Someone who knows the subject; rather than the implication it’s just a non-subject.
So why does Dr Vernon dismiss polts? She has apparently read Kate Summercale’s book on Alma Fielding (my review here) but not I fear Nandor Fodor’s own books. I’m often hard on those who enter my academic area despite wandering all over other people’s disciplines — but there is a reason why I am a bit sour. Very often research funding goes to people with no actual history in the field; they write attractive hardbacks that briefly appear on the shelves of Waterstones but they completely fail to engage with us subject specialists, or the one hundred and fifty years of Psychical Research, the large literature or the Society for Psychical Research (www.spr.ac.uk) and ASSAP (www.assap.ac.uk). We are dismissed, our subject reduced to Ghostbusters jokes or those Reality TV ghosthunting shows.
And when the subject does appear in the media, it is usually outsiders spouting soundbites, and there is nothing of substance there. Let me give you an example. I have written a few papers over the years on “The Cheltenham Ghost” a very famous Victorian haunting. I even get a mention in the Wikipedia entry. Recently the papers ran another article stating the excellent TV comedy Ghosts has much in common with the case: I was incredulous. I simply can not see it, and the last paragraph
“Perhaps the most interesting similarity, though, is how the ghosts affect the living residents’ relationship with the house. For both Alison and Miss Morton, there’s a sense that their paranormal experiences help them to form an attachment to their new home, allowing them to explore the building’s past while also making it their own.”
– bears no resemblance to anything I could find in the article in Proceedings of the Society for Psychical Research VIII. I’ve just realised however that this is a Halloween piece by the same Dr Vernon ; I’m sensing a pattern. Have some Literature department academics been awarded funding to write about ghosts? Have Aberystwth’s press office demanded newsworthy stories?
Look I have nothing against that. The Cheltenham Ghost is a fascinating case; my paper on how it inspired Henry James’ The Turn of the Screw is out in the New Year, and my paper which mentions Gustav Holst’s role in the story and the actual context of the0 whole story can be found here. Am I miffed that I have researched since 1987 without reward, funding or recognition? Not so much. I could say what I want.
Still, please, please, journalists, when the press releases come in and someone has some exciting new theory on ghosts, email media@assap.ac.uk and we will get you a bit of context.
Ah well, Merry Christmas everyone!
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