July 4th – My challenge to Christian America

I just noticed that it is the night of the Fourth of July, so happy Independence Day to the US readers! 🙂

And for any fundamentalist Christians, I will hereby accept your surrender of the United States of America on behalf of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, and the restoration of the colonies. After all, you would not want to go against the Holy Bible would you?

As we all know, “no taxation without representation” was a cry of the traitors like Washington, Jefferson, Franklin et al. They objected to what is today the USA being a colony of the noble British Empire, and as uppity colonials always do, thought they should run their own affairs. Jolly bad show all round.

Rather than managing to lose the war against us Brits, and getting hanged as they so richly deserved, this disreputable mob of traitors won. OK, 1812 and the White House open air bonfire and rockets party made up for it a little, but it still irritates.

However luckily these foul “Founding Fathers” were clearly a bunch of irreligious maniacs, or simply did not know their Scripture. For what system of Government does God endorse? Imperialism and colonies paying taxation without representation. For is it not written “Render unto Caesar what is Caesars, and God what is God’s?” This clearly indicates the economic system then prevalent in the Roman colony of Judea was acceptable.

So stop whinging, and give us our colonies back, and we can celebrate true patriots like Benedict Arnold and Cornwallis, rather than perpetuate this irreligious treason? :mrgreen:

Now of course, you may object to being forced to submit to Great Britian, in which case I will cheerfully accept a surrender to me personally. I have never been a King before, but have no real objection to trying something new. I don’t think American Democracy is faring well, so why not give Enlightened Despotism and a totally nonhereditary “I-just-felt-like-giving-it-a-shot monarchy a go? King Christian I – has a nice ring to it? :)

I will of course give the Native Americans due credit – they were there first. Mind you, in the UK so were the Welsh…

Everyone else though, how can you go against the clear word of God and support this overthrow of a rightful government? Have you not read Paul’s Epistles, if my earlier theological justification does not convince?

I await your surrender with eager anticipation. Maybe afterwards we can have a nice cup of tea, and a plate of cucumber sandwiches?

Happy 4th July!!!
cj x

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About Chris Jensen Romer

I am a profoundly dull, tedious and irritable individual. I have no friends apart from two equally ill mannered cats, and a lunatic kitten. I am a ghosthunter by profession, and professional cat herder. I write stuff and do TV things and play games. It's better than being real I find.
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3 Responses to July 4th – My challenge to Christian America

  1. Murray66 says:

    You are psychic! (read my post on Beast’ blog and you’ll see why) If we follow your logic though, wouldn’t you then surrender us all to Italy? Maybe then we could have a spot of tea and a nice bruschetta. I’m afraid cucumber sandwiches would cause another revolt.

    • Mo says:

      wouldn’t you then surrender us all to Italy?

      Why so? — Britain didn’t rebel from the Romans, they just trailed off and abandoned it. Bit difficult to render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, if Caesar is on the last fast chariot disappearing in a cloud of dust.

      • Murray66 says:

        Good point Mo. I can’t surrender the whole country but I’ll trade my little town for tickets to a Top Gear taping, dinner at the F word restarauntand a and a weekend of ghost hunting. 🙂

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