e-commerce: the cj way

June 4th 2000 saw CJ in a silly mood. For some reason I thought of this today, and realized I should try e-commerce again, nine years later, now the dot.com bubble has burst but buying off the internet seems perfectly normal…

e-commerce: the cj way

e-commerce seems to have really taken off; a website is not a website today without the chance for you to use your credit card and spend money. Not wanting to be left out of this new way of separating the gullible from their dosh, and remembering the Sex Pistol’s beautiful lines… Filthy Lucre ain’t nothing new/and we all got cash for chaos...

I hereby invite you to participate in the e-commerce phenomenon… Warning This is a TOTALLY UNSECURE and TOTALLY INSINCERE site. Any transaction carried out through it may result in 12 year old hackers stealing every penny you own; more likely you will end up supporting CJ in his dotage as he makes endless unauthorised withdrawals from your credit card until you are reduced to penury…

CJ however will be grateful, so go for it!

Have a Nice Day!

Bargains! Bargains! Bargains!

This month CJ brings you three fantastic bargains! How can you resist the lure of dot.bargains!?!

First up is – Bracing Sea Air

The latest revolutionary health product from West Gloucestershire, Bracing Sea Air

((c)2000 A-Roma Laboratories) brings you the exhiliration of a windy day at Weston-Super-Mare, ready to unleash in your own home or car! Contains Nitrogen, Oxygen, Hydrogen and traces of Argon; odourless, colourless and totally undetectable, Bracing Sea Air is bottled for you at a secret location near Gloucester Docks every rainy day and monday. Coming Soon!; Our new range of EXOTIC FLAVOURS…Grimsby Air, Hull Air, Clacton-On-Sea Air and Scarborough Fair… Bracing Sea Air comes in discrete ex-coffee jars, rapidly washed out by CJ. One jar of Bracing Sea Air can be yours for the Bargain Price of just £8.99!!!. (Only while stocks last, so order soon to avoid disappointment!!!)

Absolutely Nothing

What do you give the man or woman (or dog for that matter) who has everything! The answer is obvious – Absolutely Nothing!Yes, just fill in the order form below, let me debit your credit card for just £12.99 and House of CJwill supply you with Absolutely Nothing! within 28 days, or your money back!

(Subject to deductions for post and packing, administration, photocopying, credit charges, chiropodists fees and interest calculated in line with the Retail Price Index of early Nineteenth Century Schleswig-Holstein. Typical admin deduction circa £12.99).

Topless (and Bottomless) Bathing Suits!!!

Be a real Wow! on the beach this summer with Imperator Neu Fabriken’s exclusive line of DARING BATHING COSTUMES!

Everyone goes topless these days, so to make your mark, go one better – Topless and Bottomless! Yes our Topless and Bottomless bathing Costumes are all the rage this summer, and can be seen on pages all OVER THE INTERNET, modelled by almost every attractive CELEBRITY you can imagine and many lesser known models as well!

(Though you may need an Adult Verification Service or Credit Card to visit some of these sites…). Available in a number of cuts; Pagan Skyclad, Birthday Suit, or maybe you will cut a dash with Wembley Streaker? Whichever classic style you prefer, you’d better wear a broad smile with your Topless and Bottomless Bathing Costume. You are just not dressed without one (or with one for that matter…)

Yes!!! Rush me a Topless and Bottomless Bathing Suit (one size fits all, and we do mean all!) at only £17.99!!! Ok, CJ, you’ve sold me on your e-commerce site. I want to buy EVERYTHING! (feels like Karma…) How do I do it? EASY! Just comment below for our not very secure ordering system! First, I need your e-mail address – and all your credit card details, and your mothers maiden name and the name of your dog. 🙂

NOTE: Proof of ordering or proof of cash being deducted by CJ from your card account does not in anyway constitute proof of receipt of order. Nor does anything on this page constitute a promise to supply, vend, fulfil or otherwise provide any service whatsoever except for taking your money without any possibility of warranty, guarantee, delivery or anything else for that matter. Your statutory rights are completely negated. Have a Nice Day!


About Chris Jensen Romer

I am a profoundly dull, tedious and irritable individual. I have no friends apart from two equally ill mannered cats, and a lunatic kitten. I am a ghosthunter by profession, and professional cat herder. I write stuff and do TV things and play games. It's better than being real I find.
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3 Responses to e-commerce: the cj way

  1. David says:

    I’d like to order one of your bathing costumes please, but I was wondering if you produced one in an ‘Early Christian Baptism’ design?


  2. Miss F. Paint says:

    Psst, David, howsabout we bankrupt CJ by buying Absolutely Nothing from him, then return it several times over for a full refund every time?

  3. David says:

    I’d like to have a look at his catalogue…

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