The Undeserving Poor?
November 27, 2009
My post on the Reverse Robin Hood started a lengthy and interesting discussion – thanks to Andrew Oakley and Tom Ruffles for their comments. Part of the discussion came to revolve around the role of risk and unpredictable elements in people’s personal financial situations – and I must admit that I am woefully unqualified to comment upon this. Down in the City of London there are extremely highly paid analysts who sit all day fiddling with formulae to try and predict market fluctuations, and this country must have tens of thousands (at least) of highly trained and highly paid experts in exactly this area – underwriters. I have no idea how successful these methods are, but I’m assuming they must have some value. After all, if you know the outcomes of ten thousand decisions made previously, then maybe another 40 year male with a fairly academic past and many years freelancing and living without visible source of income becomes predictable. Sure, you might make errors in regard to individual outcomes, because you can never have all the data -and the same applies to market analysts – but you might hope that on average you would do well (– though as we shall shortly see, I am not actually convinced this is true!)
I think at the heart of the discussions of the last piece was the question of individual responsibility for financial outcomes. The poor may always be with us – unless we manage an imaginary “true communist” equality of money, which would end the moment someone bought something, by definition someone is always poorest. It is certainly true that we don’t seem fond of absolute measures of poverty, and this can lead to problems in our understanding and policy decisions – poor children in the UK today are probably a lot better off that say poor children in the UK in 1950 -most have shoes and a meal a day at least?
I think, and I may be wrong, that Andrew thinks most financial outcomes are predictable, given good planning and money management. Tom and I (and again this is my impression, speak up if i am misrepresenting you) are more inclined to believe that random factors may play a large role in how ones personal finances pan out. I don’t think any of us think its all one or the other: Andrew clearly accepts that random factors can cause problems, but simply believes they can often be mitigated by shrewd money management. Tom and I suspect that some situations may place one in a position where no matter how careful one is, you may end up in real trouble. Yet clearly many people who end in financial trouble have been extremely reckless, and at least partly instigators of their own downfall. (And I would go as far as to say that the State does much to cushion the blow these days compared with in the past, and that equally our culture is geared to actually promote fiscal risk taking, indebtedness and bad financial management by individuals. But I would say that, I don’t have any credit card etc, wouldn’t I?)
The Deserving (and Undeserving) Poor
In fact it seems to me we are rehashing one of the great debates of the last few centuries. It certainly filled the 18th century mind – and it was a major theme of 19th century thought. We are back on the question of the deserving versus undeserving poor.
In my last piece I commented on how I missed the security of the bi-weekly giro, and having my dole money guaranteed. I sympathised with those who work, and are on bitterly low incomes. I may have here been apparently aiming at a deserving/undeserving poor distinction, but that was not my intention – I was actually trying to point out that for many self employed, freelance and entrepreneurial types there lives are marked by a greater degree of uncertainty in financial matters than for those who receive state benefits. If you look at what the average UK soldier serving abroad is paid, or many low grade civil servants, you will notice they face the same problem. Those in manufacturing also have the problem – the uncertainty of th future of their jobs. So at least on the dole you can plan, to some extent, and know it will never be more than 13 days till your next payment — assuming they are still bi-weekly – the days when I used to sing a little song to thank God (and the British taxpayer) for my giro have long since passed…
Now once we get in to the deserving/undeserving poor debate we instantly hit problems, and are conditioned by our Right Wing or Left Wing political roots. After all, the modern Conservative and Labour parties were shaped by these questions, and the response, be it Socialism or Social Darwinism or whatever is deeply ingrained in how we see the world. People always say to me “I’m not interested in/don’t understand politics” Actually they are an ddo – they just don’t feel any interest in what happens in Westminster, and don’t understand the minutiae of the British system or what the parties stand for – but they generally can grasp the actual politics, because it comes down to Big Questions which are easily graspable, if impossible to easily answer.
I’m not going to rehash all the thought of two centuries and political responses here on the so called deserving and underserving poor. I will note it is my gut feeling that no one hates the undeserving poor more than the deserving poor do – the British Working Class appears to me to have a real horror of “benefit scroungers”, “junkies”, “drunks” and “gamblers” and others they categorise as the undeserving poor. I’m not actually convinced the categories are all that important – if you place genuinely stupid people (and half of British citizens are below average IQ for a British citizen after all!) in a situation where they are offered easy interest free credit, mortgages for huge amounts based on nothing more than what you can lie to claim you earn, and then bombard them with shows about exotic foreign holidays and advertisements implying their lives are not worth living without the Gizmogadet 2000 what do you honestly expect to happen?
Politicians Are Predictable
Before I start the heart of my argument though, I guess we should consider wht this deserving/undeserving dichotomy may not be useful. To Labour, well it’s obviously nonsense: they see people’s financial situation as situated in a wider social context, so that market forces and teh economy are responsible for poor people, not the fact these people are reckless or lazy. To the Conservatives – well Cameron has told the fat and the poor it’s their own fault. That’s me told twice then! In fact he is keen to qualify this –
“Of course, circumstances — where you are born, your neighbourhood, your school and the choices your parents make — have a huge impact. But social problems are often the consequence of the choices people make.”
So both political parties manage to continue the debate by stating the bleedin’ obvious, in line with their Left and Right wing prejudices. Of course if you are laid off because your factory closed because US mortgage brokers gave money to people who never could or would repay it, it is not your fault if you suffer financial catastrophe. And of course if I go out and spend all my weekly disposable income on, I dunno, Dominos Pizza (thats easy – one medium 11″ pizza, one chicken wings starter for dinner tonight — and I have absolutely nothing left after that for the rest of the week for food, electric, water or gas bills — job done!) then it’s my own stupid fault. I could have bought pasta, cous cous, jacket potatoes, some cheese, butter and a loaf of bread, and still had a fiver for the bills.Trust me, I bloody know! 
So Labour blame the economy & society, the Conservatives the individual. Or rather that is there emphasis – both clearly realise that both are true. The Victorians tried a slightly more novel approach – the Poor House, where you were locked up, separated from husband or wife (to stop you breeding more poor kids) and set to work, while being lectured on the folly of your choices. I dunno if it worked, because it was not really for the benefits of the inmates, but rather designed to inspire horror and a real terror of ending up in there. Many of these buildings still stand, bleak reminders of the social trends which culminated in the inscription over the gate at the concentration camp at Auchwitz – “work makes you free”. Yeah right…
The gate at Auchwitz - "works makes you free", a great lie that long predated the Nazi's
We have heard a lot in recent weeks about Labour’s pledge in the Queen’s Speech to abolish child poverty. I’m genuinely baffled by this one – the major cause of child poverty might just be poor parents who don’t look after them properly or can’t, because they have no money? No if those parents are poor because of the credit crunch and losing their jobs, or are poor because their parents spend all their money on SKY TV and drinking down the boozer, whether Labour or Conservatives are right, what difference does it actually make to the poor kids? Might I hazard a guess that poor kids of the undeserving poor are just as miserable as poor kids of the deserving poor? Neither chose which family to be born in to after all?
Let’s go budget!
Still, at last I will address my main point – how predictable is financial disaster? Using this handy budget calculator and basing my figures on an 18K salary, with no kids, renting in a cheap area (in this case Derby) I can assure you that a couple will struggle to survive, let alone save. In fact I worked out after the cost of getting to work, bills, council tax, rent, and a £50 weekly food shop their disposable income is less than a hundred pounds a month. Unless one partner is earning maybe 21k + a year, you can’t afford to actually have a homemaker or stay at home partner anymore, because our economy is predicated on dual income households now. In my figures I was scrupulous to keep costs to an absolute minimum – these puritans do not drink, smoke, go on holiday or eat out. (They do have internet and phone though!) Yet they can not possibly hope to weather any unexpected financial set back, and are budgeting only £10 a month for clothing. They might be able to put maybe £10 a month in a savings account – but to get interest much above the rate of inflation they need to tie their money down for a long period – which is exactly what you don’t want to do if you are trying to save against sudden unexpected costs. And let us remember that HSBC have declared that current account customers don’t want interest on their money, as they would prefer it went on higher rates on other accounts! I don’t recall them asking me, I must have been out that day.
Now a lot of this comes down to energy costs – maybe they will fall. Here Labour’s analysis scores points, because gas, electric and petrol prices have a major effect on most households finances, but are not controllable by the individuals. Rents have remained pretty much static, while of course mortgage costs have generally plummeted again with the drop in interest rates. Unless you are Governor of the Bank of England this is again outside your control — I have no choice but to pay the rent, my main priority, and I always do. These factors do seem n the buget I looked at to make a huge difference.
So financial responsibility, what you spend your money on – sure it is important. But it only cuts in when you cease to be poor. In my situation it does not seem to make a lot of difference – when your disposable income is under £80 a month, you ain’t gonna have many choices to make.
CJ & the Beggars
This actually reminds me of something which appalls many of my friends. When I have money, I sometimes slip a quid to a genuinely messed up looking beggar on the streets. “but they will spend it on drugs or booze!” they cry. And I reply “good for them!” Why? Because actually when you are really poor, it’s not the lack of money which really degrades and makes you miserable – it is the fact you no longer get to make many choices. I can reliably predict what I will eat next week, and the week after, and the week after that. I won’t be buying much, because I can’t. I might get to make the choice between two titles in a second hand book shop if I am lucky. Poverty erodes choice, and erodes personal responsibility - because you can’t learn how to be responsible when you have nothing to be responsible with.
The Inevitable Passing Reference to the Credit Crunch
As Axel and others who have listened to me moan over the years know, I had long been predicting a Credit Crunch based on the fact that UK mortgages no longer bore any resemblance to actual bricks and mortar costs or annual incomes and salaries. This was not based on any economic brilliance on my part, but upon a simple understanding that if people defaulted and banks stopped lending, well a lot more people would face the situation that the deserving and undeserving poor face every day – No Credit. In fact a good way of telling how depressed a part of town is is to go in to a shop, and look for the felt tip sign posted above the counter “Strictly No Credit”. Then go to the richer part of town – and see the Store Card adverts, and the endless encouragement to take interest free credit (“subject to status” – in other words if you are CJ and you have wandered in here, piss off!).
The Undeserving Middle Class
Many of the “undeserving poor” may actually have high incomes I guess – and far more choices – they just made bad ones, and are now faced with ruinous credit card debts for that holiday they enjoyed in some hot exotic location, the repayments on their flash car, and the huge amounts they spent at Waitrose and Threshers or wherever rich people shop. A couple of generations grew up expecting a nice house, nice car, nice holidays and well nice things – hell I’m heading in to a Jamie Reid single cover for the Sex Pistol’s
Jamie Reid's bleak cover for the Sex Pistol's Holidays in the Sun
Perhaps when we talk about the undeserving poor, who blew their money on bad choices, we actually mean the British Middle Class- the people who actually had the capacity to make serious financial choices in the first place? Maybe that is why this is so deeply ingrained in Cameron’s view of poverty – because he reflects the deserving, hard working and frugal middle classes, and the deserving poor working class (who make the best of very limited means), who can’t imagine how people would make reckless choices like investing in the markets, pensions or shares? I jest of course – but I do notice that bastion of Conservatism the Daily Mail seems a lot more worried about “House Prices Plummeting” than about how those working for the NHS on 12k a year like Lisa are meant to pay their share of the rising gas bills? Should we not castigate those foolish enough to irresponsibly put money in houses in the belief property prices will never fall, or who could not read the small print that reminded them that the value of their investments could go down as well as up? But enough teasing the noveau pauvre! It may shock many people, but I love the British Middle Class, who encapsulate much which is great about our nation – I just get tetchy when one group are labelled undeserving, profligate and irresponsible, but others who made equally bad decisions, but are seen as unfortunate victims of greater forces - regardless of the party proclaiming the double standard. Maybe it is just my inherent left wing biases showing?
It seems clear to me that the middle class investor who lost big in the Credit Crunch and the working class person who lost their job are equally victims of circumstance, and that they can not really be held to blame for their choices – but the investor did get to make more choices in the matter than the person laid off. Yet for some reason they attract more sympathy? I actually feel deep compassion for both – ’tis rough on all at times…
So Let’s Get Back To The Point
So how predictable are financial emergencies? This was where we started, and where we return. I’m going to look to an unlikely source to resolve this – after all I have no statistical data at hand – David Hume, the great Scottish Philosopher. (Of course I recall Dire Strait’s song Industrial Disease (link contains sound)- listen to it and you will get the joke – but anyway…) Hume made famous The Problem of Induction: nd the second part is relevant here -
presupposing that a sequence of events in the future will occur as it always has in the past (for example, that the laws of physics will hold as they have always been observed to hold.)
Which brings me back to those market analysts and underwriters, who try to generalise rules from past data, and who try to make models that predict based upon that data. How well do they perform? I dunno, I’m guessing that is sensitive commercial data. My guess is not that well. Some will get lucky, some unlucky, and ost will perform as well as the data they have available and inherent unpredictability of financial markets allow. Because yes, as I have been hinting, I think markets are fundamentally unpredictable, and I think personal finances are similarly chaotic.
The Tory emphasis on sound fiscal planning and personal responsibility makes a lot of sense and to some extent is rooted in our Judeo-Christian heritage (but then read Job!). The fundamental assumption is that people are to a large extent responsible for their personal financial outcomes. I question this assumption on a number of grounds. Firstly, the playing field is not level. I have done pretty well in some ways in terms of education and using the talents I have – I’d like to believe that I might have done better if I had more opportunities when younger, and particularly if I could have got a PhD in something I wanted to so I could keep lecturing, the single thing I was best at. Hey, shit happens. A few knocks, set backs and I sunk forever in to the great unwashed. It happens. Others start off much worse off, and do much, much better. But no one can pretend on average we are an equal opportunity society yet. Born poor, you tend to stay there you know? (Darwin in one of his few reactionary moments argues this was good, or humanity would cease to struggle and evolve. This was why he opposed Trade Unions and industrial reforms. Shame, he was remarkably liberal in most ways!) Still for 10K I could have returned to lecturing – and then I could have had a slightly rosier future. But I never had it, could never borrow it, and my studentship applications never worked out.
Secondly, the future is not predictable. Why? Because we do not exist in a financial vacuum. All kinds of decisions from others, from the gang of muggers who decide to use your head as a football, to the decision of American mortage brokers, to government policies, to the laws of the land and moral responsibility, set limits on personal freedom and choice, and upon the outcomes we face. The citizens of Herculaneum and Pompeii might have saved and practiced Stoicism and financial probity, but on August 23rd, 79AD, they learned that living under an active volcano was not so wise.
I saw plenty of right wing US claims a few years back that the victims of the 2003 Asian Tsunami should have chosen to live somewhere safer — but few explanations as to how that was a financial reality for them, or how they were meant to assess the risk they faced. I suspect a lot of them may have not fully paid attention to the subduction class in their plate tectonics education at school, as obviously this must have comprised part of their elementary school education? Well maybe not. Maybe they lived where they did because they knew no better, and because their families had always lived their, their livelihoods were there, and Alfred Wegener’s theories on Continental Drift passed them by because they were dreaming of affording another goat next year? Can anyone really blame them for not knowing their worlds were about to catastrophically change? No – because very few people if any knew that.
And this is how I perceive the world: we are perhaps little more in control of our lives than those people were. Financial outcomes are not predictable. All we can do is try to save when we can, to alleviate poverty and distress where possible, and to try our damnedest to actually help people make informed choices, and drag themselves through. We are like doctors – preventative medicine is laudable and a great cause, and we should encourage sensible health measures – but if a new disease like SARS or a new Flu breaks out, a new unforeseen disaster – we can only fight to save the victims. We might have made all kinds of contingency plans, and perhaps like Mormons we have stockpiled a months canned food for this scenario or similar, but ultimately, if a hacker cleans our bank accounts out, we can only check if we were following sensible security precautions. If the bank’s computer system was compromised. and yet we can’t make a mortgage payment while we try to get compensation sorted, whose fault is it?
Chance, risk, the unpredictable, the irrational and unpredictable actions of others – for long I have worried that our economists assume markets are rational, when all the evidence shows me that humans are often quite irrational in their economic activity – all these things clearly impact upon us. Of course our personal responsibility is vital; of course we must plan to make the best uses of our resources to cushion us against the blows of fate – but ultimately, rugged individualism is possible only to the extent one has the power to make choices, and the resources to prepare – and the poor have far fewer options here??
I’m sorry to write so much – thanks to everyone who took part in the previous discussion. I fired this off in an hour, in one sitting, so it might not make a whole lot of sense. Thansk to anyone who troubled ot read i tthrough.
cj x
Review of wargaming rules; De Bellis Antiquitas Second Edition
November 27, 2009
And now for something completely different…
So far my reviews have concentrated on roleplaying products,but back in the seventies I actually entered the hobby as a young but enthusiastic historical wargamer. I played 25mm Napoleonics, 15mm Dark Ages, 20mm WW2 and 1/3000 scale naval battles and 1/300 scale microtank battles. In short, my wargaming experience was extensive and varied.
The roleplaying hobby was born out of wargaming, via the publication of TSR of Chainmail, which became eventually via a fantasy supplement Dungeons and Dragons. Yet surprisingly few contemporary roleplayers seem to have come from the world of miniatures wargames – my recent ‘how did you get in to roleplaying?’ poll showed it is a distinct minority these days. The old school wargamers turned roleplayers reckon we can tell who was a wargamer first, but it would be a shame not to try and reverse the tredn, and for a few roleplayers to try wargaming.
One of the biggest problems facing anyone interested in wargaming is assembling an army. Firstly however you need to choose your rules,and one of the most popular today, with base sizes shared with many other sets of rules, is De Bellis Antiquitatis, known as DBA for short.
The rules are very short – 10 pages in total of actual playing rules, with only two charts and one set of factors which are referred to once the game starts. This simplicity is actually their beauty – it allows you to concentrate on generalship rather than esoteric factor calculation, or extensive morale rules. However the real beauty of DBA is that an army is always 12 bases, each of which has two or three figures on it – the extremes are one figure for a chariot, up to maybe 7 for a Horde. Armies therefore require about 50 models, which in 15mm scale mean you can comfortably amass two armies for under $30, in lead figures! Even 25mm figures are affordable,and the rules cover 5mm, 15mm and 20/25mmm figure scales with equal ease. You can easily dispense with minatures altogether, and simply cut cardboard based tothe shapes required. For my playtest I bought, based and painted two armies of the period of the Chariot era, (total cost from Essex Miniatures including postage and packing £16.50), and painted and based them.
Terrain was improvised with a cloth, books and a hastily built but attractive cardboard town, and some simple marshes, rivers and roads made from cardboard and felt tips. When I have time I will develop the terrain and make it attractive rather than functional! 
OK, the next great thing about the rules – the playing area. the game in 15mmm plays on a 2′ square area (600mm), and in 25mm on a 3′ square area (900mm square). Average move distances are 2″ for infantry off road (or 5cm if using metric) and 3″ for light troops (75mm) and a speedy 4″ (10cm) for light chariots going at full whack! The nice thing here is that the playing area is small enough, and the armies ditto, for almost anyone to find space to play. I played on one end of my coffee table, the remaining two thirds of which was strewn with rpg stuff!
Next up – because you are moving just 12 bases, the games zips along. There are no fiddly tiny tactical manouvres, as units can change facing etc, to respond. The central idea of the game is that command and control of ancient units was limited, and that basically all armies troops are pretty similar, but the army varies by composition and generalship. Each bound (turn) the player rolls a D6, and has that many pips. Moving a unit, or a group of units in base to base contact, costs one pip from his available supply. I was sceptical about this at first, but in fact it lead to some very exciting situations – Canaanite Chariots bearing down on my troops,and me with no idea if my general would get orders to them in time to retreat across the river and gain a defensive advantage! (In fact I rolled a 5, and got my infantry across, but it turned out the river was so shallow based on the river depth roll it gave me no tactical advantage, and meanwhile my light troops were overwhelmed by the Canaanites and slaughtered in a marsh which dominated the centre of the battlefield – but that is another story!)
The rules are slightly complicated by the fact that if your general is over 6″ away and out of site, or over 12″ away, then you must pay two ‘pip’ off your available moves to move that unit. There are rules which cover effects of terrain, useful tactics like placing Psiloi (skirmishers) in support of Auxilia (regular infantry), the adverse effects of Elephants on cavalry, Scythed Chariots, Light Chariots, Heavy Chariots (inferior to Light Chariots in my opinion), Field Artillery, Knights, varying shades of Cavalry, Camels, and loads of different types of infantry. Understanding their historical battlefield role and playing to their strengths is the key to victory – however despite a good knowledge of Ancient Warfare, my infantry army were defeated twice running by Lloyd’s Caananites.
Anyway,I have probably give you enough information to decide if you like the idea of trying a fast play (under an hour) set of miniature wargames rules which cover the period 3000BC – 1500AD, from the Dawn of History to the Renaissance. You really should play with two armies who faced each other historically, and each of the army lists has details on historical allies and enemies. The lists are also divided into five main periods, as follows -
Section One – The Chariot Era 3000BC to 500BC – 63 armies,including well knoiwn ones like the Etruscan League, Canaanites, Philistines, Hitties, Kushites, several Egyptian armies, but also more obscure ones like the Melukhkhan Indian, Later Amorites, and the Zagros and Anatolian Highlanders!
Section Two – The Classical Period, 500 BC to 476AD -84 army lists-includes usual suspects like various Greek and Roman armies, but also rareities like Ariarthid Kappadokian and Turcilingi or even Hasmonean Jewish armies, plus many from Asia, Africa and the Orient.
Section Three – The Early Medieval Period 476 to 1071AD covering all the main Dark Age cultures, and many relatively obscure ones – the list staggered me with their completeness. 79 army lists.
Section Four – The High Medieval Period rounds off the selection – covering 1071 to 1500AD with 84 lists. I have already stressed the completeness enough methinks.
The rules also include an excellent set of simple campaign rules, which I have not yet had a chance to try out, for campaigns with several players 4-8 would seem to be optimum to me, and loads of six player campaigns are suggested – sixty historical campaigns in total, each one just outlining which of the lists each player uses. Bearing in mind the rules would work just as well, but less attractively, with cardboard counters cut to th base sizes, and you could for six quid spend a happy weekend refighting almost any Ancient or Medieval campaign. The rules end with guidelines for larger battles with more units or sub-commanders.
The overall playtest was superb – despite my loss on both occasions, I thoroughly enjoyed both games, and spent a goodly while bemoaning my stupid tactical errors. The element of skill against chance seems at the moment much higher that in any other wargame sminiatures rules I have so far played under (about twenty sets, over a twenty five year period). There is a Fantasy version of the rules, Hordes of the Things, which I intend to review soon assuming time permits. For substance i give the rules a thoroughly merited 5, or 10 out of 10 for content, coverage and playability.
However… I was tempted to give the rules a one for style. Wargames rules are rarely well written – or rather they are well written, in the way a washing machines manual is well written. They set out to clearly and functionally state the rules, with no roo for ambiguity. The prose is technical, clipped, precise. All of this is true of these rules. They have a fairly jolly introduction, and some good writing. The lists and rules are fairly clear. So why a 2 for style, and my thoughts of a 1? Because the errata sheet which came with the rules took over forty minutes to transcribe in to the main rules. There are hardly any mistakes – most are minor changes in wording just to clarify the rules, and to close potential loopholes. These rules are used in Wargaming Championships and competitions, and there can be no ambiguity – unlike an rpg, there is rarely a referee to settle disputes. The result was rulebook was glossed with dozens of tiny carefully handwritten notes by yours truly, as I slowly incorporated all the errata. Whatever nice things I might have said about the rules clarity, simplicity and unambigous wording were lost in the fact I ended up with each page dotted with neat crossing outs, substitutions and marginalia. The result is probably much clearer, but revisions at this level require a new edition not really an extensive errata.
Despite this damning criticism, I loved these rules. A superb introduction to miniatures wargaming for anyone, and very highly recommended! Now if only I had held that hill, instead of falling back my archers to the cover of the warbands, and had rushed my general across, the Canaanite Chariots would have been on bad going and… Sorry -it really is that absorbing a game!
cj, 2004
The Reverse Robin Hood: or I Fought the Beast and the Beast Won
November 26, 2009
I’m not sure exactly when it happened that the British public decided that Bankers were agents of the devil, but it certainly seems to be the case judging by headlines this week. Well, maybe the press is on to something…
And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.
Revelations 13: 16-17 (King James Version)
A sad day today: in the case of The Office of Fair Trading versus The Minions of Satan (aka the High Street Banks) a decision was found in favour of the banks, ending several years of legal uncertainty. Well, for now…
Aleister Crowley, who declared himself the Great Beast. I'd prefer to have a cup of tea with him than sign a credit agreement with a high street bank any day!
Of course I do not literally think the British High Street Banks are the Beast prophesied in the final book of the Bible ; do they look like a lamb while speaking like a dragon? Um, well, now you mention it… That they are anti-christ seems quite clear: I mean usury (the lending of money at interest) is a mortal sin anyway isn’t it? So I like the term “minions of Satan”, and encourage people to treat them just as you would if Old Nick appeared and asked you to sign a paper in exchange for a pile of hot gold – if you must sign, sign in blood. This usually gets you chucked out of the bank before proceedings get nasty. Trust me, I know.
CJ applies for an overdraft facility.
Better you get chucked out or an ambulance or the police called than you lose your soul by dealing with the Devil.
What profiteth a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose his own soul?
Luke 9: 23
Yes I’m joking – I’m just mightily sore at this decision, and yet I can’t argue with the legal logic. It was the correct legal decision – but there are wider issues at stake…
The Reverse Robin Hood
So what is the Reverse Robin Hood? Something I found in the Anne Summers Guide to Improbably Acrobatic Acts? Not quite!It’s actually a memorable line from the Supreme Court ruling today
though Mr Sumption QC (for the banks) vigorously disputed Lord Mance’s suggestion that his clients were engaged in a sort of “reverse Robin Hood
exercise”
The phrase amused me, and lies at the heart of the controversy.
Banks exist to make their shareholders a profit. This is actually the responsibility of any publicly floated company, and therefore one can not blame banks for trying to make profits, no matter how many billion that may be. What is actually at stake here is not if bank fees are appropriate – I think it entirely appropriate I pay for the service provided; the question is how that payment should be taken.
At the moment we have ‘free banking’ in the UK – well 80% of people do. The remaining 20%, the villains, in fact subsidize the free banking by paying these charges, which make up 30% of the revenues gained by the banks from their Current Accounts.
The villains who go overdrawn without proper authorisation pay many times the actual cost incurred to the banks by their indiscretion – and as a result, the 80% of good folks pay nothing. Fair enough?
Except — those 20% are the poorest members of society on the whole. People with enough money to live rarely go in to these unauthorised overdrafts simply for fun. OK a few do, because they have failed to watch their spending, or because a £25 fee is no big deal to them, so they would rather pay it than delay gratification. Unfortunately, for those who are actually in the bread line, an emergency like sickness means one often has to make the decision between going over and paying £25 fee to get the seven pounds fifty for a prescription charge, or not getting the pills. And trust me I know -I have a drawer full of prescriptions I have never collected. A job interview? Same problem. I have lost all my savings I had amassed and bunt through my disposable income and had to borrow heavily just to get to an interview for a position I really wanted – the train fare alone was two weeks income for me. And I did not get the job, again…
Now to be fair, much of this is NOT a problem if you are on the dole, Income Support or similar. I know it’s hard, but I honestly miss the luxury of knowing I would get my bi-weekly giro. And free prescriptions! Unfortunately the only state benefit I receive does not give on exemption from that or Council Tax for example, and a helluva lot of other people are in the same boat. It’s really mainly a problem for the working poor – those who actually do work, but are on low incomes. No amount of financial planning or savings can protect you against some of life’s disasters when you have £17.50 a week after rent & council tax to live off, and these people make up that villainous 20%.
And they pay everyone’s bank costs, covering the 80% who actually are never going to need to worry about having to go suddenly overdrawn. Hence “reverse Robin Hood” – not a sex position, but actually the way UK banking works - “robbing from the poor to pay for the rich”
The Sheriff of Nottingham ponders the size of his bonus as he prepares another Credit Card launch - so much easier than the olde methods of oppression!
This was NOT the issue at stake in the court case. In fact the Court Ruling goes some way to making clear that in fact the ruling was on the appropriateness of the tool used by the Office of Fair Trading to pursue the demonic horde – er sorry, I mean High Street banks – and that the tool in question, an EU directive, was incorrect. The OFT has gone off to lick it’s wounds, and I expect an announcement shortly – there are still plenty of legal options if they have the will to continue the fight. There is actually a FAR more dangerous legal threat to the banks lurking in the wings, but I shall ignore that for now as it has nothing to do with bank charges.
My Situation
I have just been hit for £100 by my bank for bank charges – puzzling, given that I have only one direct debit or other agreement, no standing orders, only one payment goes out – my phone bill – which I had funds to cover and have not gone over my agreed overdraft as far as I can see – until the charges came in last month, pushing me over. Now i have been charged for being in debt cos I could not clear the last charge before this month. That charge was equal to 10 days disposable income for me – the new charges represent six weeks disposable income. I am now locked in what will rapidly become a spiral of charges, which will eventually result in my ending up with a huge debt to my bank – all from one £25 charge, the cause of which I am still not aware of.
I have written to my bank, and had some correspondence – and was interested by what was said. I noted that I had signed up for a current account on the understanding that I could not actually go overdrawn, and that my solo card prevented me spending money I did not have. I was informed that in fact I can now go overdrawn, the contracts T&C’s* having been subject to change, and that they as a bank can in fact not stop me doing this, and can not allow me to put some block on my account so I can’t spend what I don’t have. I can NOT have a limit by which I can not go outside my overdraft. I asked why, and my understanding is this “service” is provided by a third party company. I need to look in to this, as it could have quite serious ramifications in terms of the legality of my original contract, subsequent variation,and Data Protection regarding sharing of my personal data with subsidiary or affiliated groups.
The End of Free Banking?
And here is the big bogeyman – the fear that like America, most of Europe, in fact most of the World we might have to pay a small charge for our banking. The righteous 80% are positively frothing when you suggest that actually everyone paying the ACTUAL cost of their banking services would not really be unreasonable, rather than the poorest subsidizing everyone else. The fact such an arrangement would be in agreement with principles of natural justice does not seem to bother them – they are terrified the bank might take their money. Yet to the poorest the current arrangement is crippling, little more than loansharking. Why do I say this?
As you may have gathered I resent paying bank charges beyond my usual debit interest and the odd small fee, like the £9 which I used to be charged when I actually signed up to my contract if I did something dumb. That is today £25. So when I needed money last month (and I have just been scraping around to get change off the floor to buy a loo roll – I get my money on Saturday) I decided that I would be a good responsible citizen, and extend my overdraft by fifty quid. It’s £200. I did not think £250 would break them. I had not been overdrawn beyond my limit in three years. I have no CCJ’s against me, and a small but regular income. So applied online for a one month £50 extension.
And they said it would cost me £25 for arranging the overdraft. Er what? It costs me £25 to go “informally overdrawn” – and £25 if I do it properly too? SO I phoned up, they confirmed the charge, and refused to extend my overdraft anyway. I ended up borrowing off friends, who ar every long suffering but realise my situation. Thanks to everyone who has helped so often!
Now the bank’s defence on their practices is that if you make an arrangement with them you will not incur the charges. I tried to make an arrangement – and the charges were still there? No less – exactly the same fee. So if i actually went overdrawn illegitimately, or legitimately, it would cost sthe same. And what is worse, they refused me anyway. So the bank has clearly decided I’m a bad credit risk – yet when I put my card in to try and get my last fiver out, it asked me if I wanted to pay £25 for the privilege of an “informal overdraft arrangement”.
I declined, and added another prescription to my collection.
So if Free Banking is threatened, I won’t cry too much. I’ll still pay, but you can be certain that te 80% will make sure that they are not ripped off, as they have the voices and power, and I don’t think it will happen anyway. Why? People are getting used to shopping around for the best bank account deals. They are realising that when a bank changes the rates or charges, they can move their money elsewhere. Credit Cards (which I don’t have) taught people the esoteric joys of balance tranfers. We are not like our parents who stayed with the bank down the road for life. Competition would reduce bank charges immediately once they are moved from those who can’;t afford them to those who can.
Furthermore, the government is the biggest stake holder in many of the High Street banks now. The bail out, what was it £62 billion or whatever, saved the economy. From my reading Gordon Brown actually did save the world, well at least the global economy while the Americans dillied and dallied. Good on him! I’m no fan of New Labour, but it was a beautiful bit of political intervention. So maybe the political will exists to actually stop this nonsense, and stop the increasing gap between rich and poor in our society?
There is something pathetic about an administration legislating to end Child Poverty, yet not looking at the causes of that poverty, of which ruinous bank charges on the parents of said kids must come high in the causes. The government controls the banks – and can promise free banking on the banks they are major stakeholders in.
And the banks: the banks can stop this now. All they have to do is cap unauthorised spending – stop people taking money they have not got out of the cash machine, and charge what it actually costs to bounce a direct debit or whatever, not some exorbitant fee. Sure people would suffer, as I do, because they can’t lay their hands on cash at the end of the month – but if you put them in a cycle of bank charges like this they will soon have no money by the middle, then the start of the month. So stop selling debt to third party companies banks, and make your limits stick. And get rid of the ludicrous charge on AGREED overdrafts.
Yes, profits might fall a little. Yes shareholders in the banks might get slightly lower dividends. But how many bank shareholders actually have kids in poverty? And aren’t we all shareholders when we pay tax since the bail out? Are we not entitled to join the party?
I fought the Beast – and the Beast won – for now. Yet it will not continue forever…
cj x
* and before anyone says – bet you did not read the Terms and Conditions carefully – oh, how wrong you are! I actually read them and understood them fully, and in fact far better in light of the relevant legislation than my bank appears to have. I wonder why they do not hire solicitors to read their own T&C’s, rather than apparently just copy them from each other and earlier agreements? One day very soon this could cost them so much that a lot of banks might go under… I find it incredible that many Banks seem unaware of the statutory requirements of the Consumer Credit Acts…
PM’s Pledge To Flood Devastated Cumbria
November 21, 2009
“PM’s Pledge To Flood Devastated Cumbria” is a headline today on Sky News. I thought it unfortunate, and wondered how he plans to get the waters to rise above the level of the local mountains. Presumably his plan involves damning the lakes, levelling Scafell Pike, etc etc, and building a huge dyke around the county before letting the North Atlantic rush in? Flooding the county further seems a little unnecessary, given the “Act of God” (though one has to ask which one is intended by that phrase?) which has already done a pretty good job. Still if you are in Cumberland or Westmoreland might I suggest starting to build an ark, and voting Tory? (I can’t believe I suggested the latter…)
My friend DC comes from Seaton near Cockermouth — I can’t see him being impressed by this latest government initiative. Or maybe Sky News intended to say “PM’s Pledge to Assist Cumbria, Devastated by Floods?” I assume the latter, but my reading was more interesting!
Best wishes to all Cumbrians struggling with the flood, and all News Editors struggling with the English language.
cj x
PS They have now an hour later changed the headline to “PM’s £1m Pledge To Help Flood-Hit Cumbria”
Shame the former version was more interesting, while significantly less accurate!
Religion is NOT a mental illness
November 17, 2009
OK, a word of explanation. Lisa was doing a pharmacy paper on this subject, and I thought I’d do my version, using some of her notes and stuff. See what you think!
The argument that religious belief is a form of delusion is a common one. In psychiatric terms it is not correct; DSM IV clearly states that this, where delusions are stated not to include ‘articles of religious faith’. (American Psychiatric Association, 1994, p. 765)”
DSM IV does contain a new category of religious or spiritual problem –
“V62.89: This category can be used when the focus of clinical attention is a religious or spiritual problem. Examples include distressing experiences that involve loss or questioning of faith, problems associated with conversion to a new faith, or questioning of other spiritual values which may not necessarily be related to an organized church or religious institution. (American Psychiatric Association, 1994, p. 685)”
This was adopted for the fourth edition. It has proven controversial – but this refers to psychiatric problems related to religious belief, not religious belief in itself. Delusions can of course take on religious aspect, and some religious beliefs may be delusional, but a standard definition of delusion,
“A delusion is a false, unshakeable idea or belief, which is out of keeping with the patient’s educational, cultural and social background; it is held with extraordinary conviction and subjective certainty” (Sims 2003)
Cultural and social background clearly excludes most ‘mainstream’ religious beliefs. A woman who believes her cat is a deity may be delusional; a man who rips out the hearts of victims to offer them to the sun god is delusional, unless he happens to be an Aztec priest of a former era, in which case arguably the definition would endorse his beliefs. Religious belief in itself is clearly not a delusion. in psychiatric terms.
Are religious people, if not delusional, still psychotic? Some have argued that the religious are neurotic, and that religions roots lay deep in personality issues ( for example, (Freud, 1939)). Others have looked for neurological and organic problems, most famously Michael Persinger with his ‘God Helmet’ experiments. These however were not double blind, and when replicated without the subject knowing if the machine was running or not or the purpose of the experiment did not work, showing suggestion at the root of the claimed results. (Granqvist 2005)
At the heart of the discussion of whether those who believe in a God are psychotic must be whether that belief, theism, is a false belief. Richard Dawkins has become famous for asserting “there is no evidence for God”, (Dawkins, 2006) but the claim is clearly untrue – many people claim to have experienced gods, and there is much evidence offered. When challenged he asserts he means “there is no scientific evidence for God”. This however is equally problematic – the basis of all modern Science is methodological naturalism –
“It is an epistemological view that is specifically concerned with practical methods for acquiring knowledge, irrespective of one’s metaphysical or religious views. It requires that hypotheses be explained and tested only by reference to natural causes and events.” From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naturalism_(philosophy)
As such questions of God’s existence can not be admitted as scientific questions, and no scientific evidence can be offered. Also The Problem of Induction is settled in all modern Science by Hume’s assumption (see http://18th.eserver.org/hume-enquiry.html) of a universe governed by Natural Laws which are uniform and constant, which precludes direct Divine Intervention. If a God or Goddess exists it will be invisible to Science because of the axioms underlying all Science.
Science is not the only way of understanding however – the questions “how do I feel today?”, “what caused the First World War?”, and “does my mother love me?” are meaningful but not scientific. One can quite rationally argue a proof of a Creator using modern cosmology, (see Davies 2006, Rees 2000) or philosophical arguments. such as the Kalam Cosmological Argument – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalam_cosmological_argument
References
American Psychiatric Association (1994) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, DSM IV. Washington: American Psychiatric Association.
Davies, P (2006) The Goldilocks Enigma, Allan Paul
Dawkins, R (2006) The God Delusion, London, Black Swan
Freud, S, (1939) Moses and Monotheism, London, Routledge.
Granqvist et al (2005) ‘Sensed presence and mystical experiences are predicted by suggestibility, not by the application of transcranial weak complex magnetic fields’ in Neuroscience Letters, 379(1), p.1-6
Persinger, MA (1983) ‘Religious and mystical experiences as artifacts of temporal lobe function: a general hypothesis. in Journal of Perceptual and Motor Skills. Vol 57( Pt 2):p. 1255-62.
Rees, M, (2000), Just Six Numbers : The Deep Forces That Shape the Universe, Phoenix
Sims A (2003) Symptoms in the Mind: An Introduction to Descriptive Psychopathology.3rd Edition, Saunders.
A Haunting in Normal Terrace
November 15, 2009
OK I was watching A Haunting last night as Liz is off back home to Bicester and wanted to chat and watch TV. In the course of it i decided to tell the story of how my house came to be haunted…
Long long ago in the late 19th century the area where my house stands today was a muddy field. One day a builder came along and started to dig foundations. Now it just happened at that time a brand new Indian restaurant (Cheltenham’s first) opened down on the High Street. People flocked form far and wide to taste the exotic cuisine.
Now I am sure many of you are aware that Cheltenham’s reputation for being posh originated with the spa, but it was perpetuated when the town became a fashionable place of retirement for retired colonial administrators and military folk back from service in India.
So when the restaurant opened it was an instant hit. There was only one problem.
The family who ran the restaurant came from Kerala and the cuisine was flavoured extensively with coconut milk, and dessicated coconut. The aging colonels were on the whole more used to Northern Indian cuisine – and so as they hurried home with their takeaways, and en route excitedly tasted the food. Disgusted, many simply hurled the cartons repulsed to one side – and mainly in to the foundations of what became my house.
The restaurant soon closed – it was just too alien to British tastes of the time –even ex-colonial ones– but my house was built on those foundations.
And that is why today my home is haunted - it is built on the site of an ancient Indian burial ground.
(And if you believe that you will believe anything!)
cj x
Bark at the Loon – Most Haunted and Halloween
November 3, 2009
I saw some of this year’s Most Haunted Live – not much different to previous years! I wrote this in the last days of my involvement with the old MH forum, and stumbling across it tonight I thought it might amuse, even though it is two years out of date now, I still stand by what I said then!
“I watched Most Haunted Live last night, and I found the experience extremely painful, excruciating actually. Now before people tell me to ‘get lost if you don’t like the show, you don’t have to watch’, I’ve actually been involved for quite a while with the whole Most Haunted scene – I worked briefly for HanrahanMedia, and ANTIX as a researcher, have appeared on the show as an “expert”, and then worked on a related contract with the LivingShop people, and have been involved in parapsychology and ghost investigation for twenty years now. Some of the older posters on this forum will know who I am. I’m not a nay sayer – I usually am supportive, and like many of the people involved and regard some as good friends.
This time however I was really depressed by it all. Firstly, there is this whole pentagram business. (Note: they were doing 5 nights, in 5 locations to form a huge pentagram across England) Now I’ll declare my prejudices – an ex-pagan who practiced ritual magick I’ve been a Church of England Christian for over a decade. I’ve already joked about the pentagram thing, but really, while not offended on a religious level, this is just silliness. Inscribe an inverted pentagram all over England and pretend that something bad might happen? Wow! Hammer House of Haunted!
Now look, let’s get this straight. The pentagram has a long history as a symbol, used by occultists, Christians, Jews, ancient cultures – drawn all over their text books by me as a kid – and in itself its a pretty star. With two horns exalted (upside down) it’s generally these days associated with teenage pimply heavy metal occult wannabes, pagans with wonky jewelery, and Satanism. So are Yvette and company actually advocating Satanism? Of course they aren’t – so why indulge in this amateur dramatics black magic crap? Are we going to have virgin sacrifices and inverted crosses next?
Now it’s ‘just entertainment’, I know that and you know that. That’s what hurts though – Karl and Yvette were completely sincere when they started out, and for a while the show was moving towards sound research. It was good TV. Now it has degenerated in to cheap schlock horror occult cliches. Worse than that, it’s become stupid. Why?
Because…
1. if you believe in this stuff, and real evil powers, and after purportedly being attacked by a demon in Edinburgh Vaults they should have every reason to, why on earth would you mess around with these things?
or
2. they don’t believe in any of it, and it’s strictly for colour, in which case why mess around with these things?
Now I don’t actually think that we are all going to be eaten by the Staypuft Marshmallow man on Halloween. If they had real style the last night would be a complete fake, misleading the viewers, a scripted drama a la Orson Welles War of the Worlds, and would apparently end with the casts messy demise and demon’s pouring out of the studio. Be hilarious, would go down in history, and end the show with a bang not a whimper. If you wanna go entertainment, that’s got to be the way to finish your amazingly successful run of series – and MH has been amazingly successful. I’d laugh, the regulators would slap Living’s wrists and for a while we would all be spooked and freaked – but it would be a great end to Most Haunted.
Now all this occult crap – and I’m sorry the line “David went with Karl and Stuart but they failed to use protection” still has tears running in my eyes with laughter, maybe you are all too young to recall the safe sex ads of the 1980’s? – anyway we now have spells. What was Yvette shouting? Malleus Decorum? That’s what it sounded like – Hammer Behaviour? Perhaps she was invoking the spirit of MC Hammer? I’m guessing I misheard and she was shouting Malleus Maleficarium – The Hammer of the Witches, Spengler and Kramer not Kramer versus Kramer, but a 14th century I think manual. “Whatever is done for the security of the state is merciful.” I dunno if a 17th century witch would know the implied threat though? It’s a book title guys, not a spell!
And what was this crap about witch trials often being suppressed, and covered up? I have never heard the claim before. It seemed a bit disingenuous to not mention the lady hanged in the State Records for 1684 and referenced in the episode was in fact hanged in Exeter as well – nowhere near Lancashire. Still that I can put up with. This whole “let’s play at being black magicians” and whitter on about “dark stuff” and ‘the Goat of Mendes’ – and do any of them know the origin of that phrase? (I mean the Egyptian one not Eliphas Levi). That practice would be worth seeing on TV, and definitely be the end of the show!
Now I’ve long pointed out the dangers of inviting spirits if you actually believe in them to use your energy,etc, etc, if you can’t tell what they are. When said spirits start going on about seriously dark stuff, surely the time has come to back out? Yet nope, they charge on, insulting, cajoling and demanding. That says to me you either don’t believe any of it –or are just plain daft. Draw your own conclusions.
So do I think it’s dangerous? Well it’s their souls not mine. A lot of people care passionately about the team, and probably are tearing their hair out in worry. I’m fairly relaxed, but it was not pleasant viewing,and I am nervous for them. I’m figuring at the end of the day its no more “real occult” than an Ozzy Ozbourne concert – one almost expected “Bark at the Moon” to start playing – but I have another reservation.
Ten years ago there were less than fifty ghost groups in the uK. Today there are I think over 600. Most Haunted is remarkably influential. The general public had I thought moved beyond a perception of parapsychology and ghost investigation which had overtones of John Constantine, Hellblazer. I know of six people who really know the occult, and happen to be ghost investigators, and four of them post on this forum – there may be more – and two of them (I’m counting myself) are Anglicans these days. Yet this is in no way representative of psychical research, and all this inverted pentagram silliness might be seen as bringing the whole thing in to utter disrepute.
Oh well – Most Haunted, still a great show I guess, nice people - but dark powers, penatgrams and all this beastliness? Knock it off! It’s not big and it’s not clever. It’s Wayne’s World meets the Exorcist.
Rant over. Normal service can now be resumed.
cj x
Christmas Shopping, CJ Style
December 1, 2009
Bah Humbug! OK, I have to accept that now it’s December people are going to talk about Christmas. Unlike Lisa I love Christmas – and as her birthday is three days before and no one is ever available to go out or do anything for that reason, I can see why she is not keen on it. I have favourite Christmas Songs – I think Greg Lake’s I Believe In Father Christmas (Youtube: contains sound) is my favourite, which will surprise nobody. Still having to listen to them every time I leave the house is enough to kill anyone. If I had the money buy a copy of Lou Reed’s album Berlin and Pink Floyd’s The Wall just to cheer myself up. (Incidentally if you don’t know those records, don’t try this at home. I mean it folks!)
So we are back to that time of year when I have to listen to all the bollocks about the pagan origins of Christmas from people who think QI is a reputable source on second and third century Roman Festivals – yes I like Stephen Fry, but he dislikes Christianity intensely and lets his prejudices show occasionally. I will blog on this later, I can’t be bothered today, but anyone mentioning the word Mithras round me may end up brutally slain, unless they can actually come uo with some hard evidence, or indeed any evidence, other than the generations of pseuds who misread Cumont. OK, rant over.
Yet I still like Christmas. Admittedly, and Greg Lake excepted, because he did it with wry humour, I can’t stand to be told again “Christmas is too commercial”. In the first case, sure, I agree, but what are you going to do about it? Live a life of monastic austerity through the whole season and refuse to step outside the door? Stop sending cards? (or perhaps in my case, start?) Become a Jehovah’s Witness? Or if already one, avoid every shop in town? I admire the JW’s courage in avoiding Christmas sometimes, even if think their reason – that Christmas has pagan origins- is a complete nonsense historically. I know! I know – take a flame thrower to Marks & Spencers and blow up Tesco?! I guess my problem with people who think Christmas is too commercialized is that they lack courage in their convictions – we can all resent it maybe, and yearn for something simpler, but have you actually tried it?
The Simple Non-Commercial Christmas As It Really Is
Flashback a few years: on the way back to Suffolk for Christmas, Christmas Eve. Hugh driving, and Lisa has decided to come with us, but Liz (now Jake) remained behind. It’s in the days when we lived at Pete’s. About twelve miles out of town Lisa gets really ill – she had been feeling bad before we left – so we turn back, and Hugh drops us off. We wander in, to find the freezer has broken down sometime in days before I presume, and in the hour or so we have been gone it has leaked all over the floor. Not that we actually had any food, we were planning to go to my family for Christmas. Hugh got back safely to Exning, and at about eleven on Christmas Eve I went out in search of food. I somehow talked a pizza shop manager who was juts closing up in to giving me a big discount, opening up, and cooking. Given my sob story his heart must have melted – anyway we got a lot of pizza. And we ate it that night, and as I recall Christmas Day, sitting around a house with just an electric fire for heat while Lisa lay in bed ill, watching the rain hit the window. I even overslept and I missed church. On Boxing Day I braved the couple of miles walk to Sainsburys-on-the-edge-of-forever as they were open, bought a load of shopping, and in the absence of buses trekked back. It sleeted and rained, freezing me, and I became really ill and was miserably unwell over New Year, as was Lisa. We did not have any presents (they we gave were in the back of Hugh’’s car and Hugh dropped them off) we had precious little money, no decorations, no heating and almost no food as most shops closed. So I have done the simple noncommercial Christmas, and I would not wish it on a banker. It’s a romantic ideal – so is dying young of tuberculosis, which to be fair may well feature in this Christmas plan. Seriously, forget it. Campaign to get a bylaw passed banning Christmas window displays before December 1st by all means, and feel free to moan at Christmas shoppers, but unless you are going to start blowing up Santa’s Grottoes or holding hunger strikes against it, I’m just going to out whinge you. Because I can… you think you can do bleak and cynical? Hell I’m like the lovechild of Leonard Cohen and Charlie Brooker. Oh no, sorry, that’s Lisa…
What Christmas is Really About
Anyhow where was I? Oh yes, full of festive jollity! Actually one more whinge – people who say “people forget what Christmas is really about”. Usually this is followed by “it’s for the kids” or “it’s a time for sharing” or sightly more accurate “it’s remembering the birth of Jesus”. Actually Christmas is about whatever you want it to be about. Ronald Hutton’s superb Stations of the Sun will give you a good overview of the last few centuries of history of the festival in England, and it’s a fascinating story. There may well be other books which deal even better with the pre-Reformation Christmas — if anyone has one, I’d like to read it. Obviously it’s a religious festival, with a clear Christian context – but that does not mean that people should not celebrate it however they want, and indeed many folk of other faiths which acknowledge Jesus in some role do mark it, but even devout atheists should have a good and enjoyable Christmas season, even if they must call it Winterval or Festimas or whatever. Hey, just, eat drink and be merry, I doubt the Archbishop’s secret police are going to kick your door in for sacrilegious consumption and exchange of gifts without proper theological license. Though if Rowan Williams does I want to be there to see it! I know some atheists seems to believe the CofE wants nothing more than the godless roasting on an open fire but it’s a bit nippy for open air barbecues and would you really want a slice of Dawkins with Cranberry sauce? I’ll stick to the turkey.
Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams - not Santa Claus, us Anglicans don't ask children to sit on our knees.
Anyway, woke up this morning to a rejection letter – always a good start to the day, only two weeks after the interview, a triumph of good administration that – actually pretty typical of the wretched state of British universities, but hey anyway – so I decided to go out and as the rent has gone out and I have paid the bills I thought I’d take the little I had left and get my chicken kebab.
It is NOT the Thought That Counts
Except then as I stood on the High Street under the Christmas Lights a wonderful thought hit me, and it came as a stunning revelation – “it’s almost Christmas!” Somehow I had sort of failed to take this on board, so I realised I must do shopping. OK I’m lousy at cards, if anyone has ever received one from me frame it, it might be worth a lot of money, but I do usually buy my family and friends little presents. And boy are they little – my shopping budget is rather sparse. Still I try, even if not really convinced it is the thought that counts. I know when presented with a pullover which does not fit or something which doe not work I say that, but I’m not sure if I actually mean it or not? I think I may do.
So with that in mind, to any of my friends and family, let it be known that this year I have Thought long and hard about all the wonderful presents I want to buy you. As I no longer have any money left that is all I am going to do though. I hope you appreciate my Thought,and it counts, and if you don’t like it parcel it up, send it back, and i’ll send a replacement Thought ( –like “what an ungrateful bastard.”
)
Oh and just in case anyone was thinking that I might like to count on a Thought myself for Christmas this year – actually, I am rather overrun with thoughts right now. I have so much thought I am often lost in it -please don’t send me any more. Just money would be nice, or better still non-fiction books on almost anything, or roleplaying game products (Sartar Kingdom of Heroes anyone?), from www.leisuregames.com, or blondes in Christmas stockings tied up with a nice ribbon. But please, please, please — no more thoughts — I have plenty!
So What Went Wrong With CJ’s Christmas Shopping?
So I was standing there on Cheltenham High Street, suddenly struck by the Christmas lights (not literally or I would sue Cheltenham Borough Council and be a lot richer), with a tenner in my pocket, thinking I needed to buy Christmas presents. OK, a tenner might have not gone far, but still – what happened? Er, I spent it. On myself. Yeah I know.
I went in to Banardo’s charity shop to get out of the cold, and inevitably I bought books. Erasmus wrote “When I get a little money I buy books; if any is left I buy food and clothes”. Oh too true, too true! Still at least Tiny Tim will benefit – it is hard not to think of the orphans at Christmas, yes? For a tenner I got a copoy of The Book of Common Prayer, The Oxford Book of English Ghost Stories, Trolley Wars: The Battle of the Supermarkets, Chorley & Smart’s Leading Cases in the Law of Banking and finally NASA’s Selected Documents in the History of the US Civil Space Program, Volume III: Using Space – hence covering a number fo my interests. I’m sure i’ll still scrape around to buy my parents and friends something but if you planned to buy me something, then previous jokes aside, please don’t!
Christmas Shopping for CJ
Instead go to a charity shop, and spend that money buying yourself something you really want, so that the charity benefits, and you benefit, and I’m happy that I did not leave you out, even though I could not afford to buy you anything. Christmas is a hard time when you have little, and I really can’t afford to buy people much this year, there are so many of you, so I hope you understand. This is the best solution.
So I wish you a Merry Christmas, and will sign off with the lyrics of Greg Lake - do buy a download of his song if you can –
I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave New Year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there’ll be snow at Christmas
They said there’ll be peace on Earth
Hallelujah! Noel! Be it Heaven or Hell
The Christmas you get you deserve.
cj x
Filed in Dreadful attempts at humour, Social commentary desecrated, Uninteresting to others whitterings about my life
Tags: atheism, atheist Christmas, atheists roasting on an open fire, Banardo's charity shop, blondes in Christmas stockings, Christmas, Christmas is too commercialised, christmas shopping, Cumont & Mithras, endlesly optimistic Christmas present hints, Erasmus, Greg Lake, Greg Lake's I Believe In Father Christmas, Hugh Wake, It is NOT the Thought That Counts, it's the thought that counts, Jake Cook, Jehovah's Witnesses at Christmas, leisuregames.com, Lisa Langood, Lou Reed Berlin, Pete Hiley, QI, rejection letter, Ronald Hutton, Rowan William's Secret Police, Sainsburys-on-the-edge-of-forever, Sartar Kindom of Heroes, Sartar Kingdom of Heroes, Stations of the Sun, tasteless jokes about other mainstream Christian denominations problems, the lovechild of Leonard Cohen and Charlie Brooker, the real meaning of christmas, the simple uncommercial Christmas